


Sacrificing Innocence

by morganaDW (morgana07)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Porn, Big Brother Dean, Bottom Sam, Emotional Hurt, First Time, Fuck Or Die, Hurt Sam, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, John is a jerk, M/M, Mean John Winchester, Other: See Story Notes, Pre-Series, Protective Dean Winchester, Schmoop, Tags May Change, Teenage Sam, Tissue Warning last chapter, Top Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-10 18:28:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 30,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4402574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morgana07/pseuds/morganaDW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pre-Series. When a case with their Dad goes bad & Sam gets grabbed & hit with a spell, Dean must decide not only to cross a line but also what he’s ultimately willing to sacrifice to keep his brother safe; both now and down the road. *Angry/worried/protective!Dean & Hurt/cursed!Sam* See the note and warning. (Dean/Sam)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: The usual for explicit language and content. I’m also going to say this one might not be a story for fans of John. He is not portrayed well in this story so if you’re a fan, take that into consideration. I’ll toss out a tissue warning for the last chapter when it gets posted but it will also have its own warning then too.
> 
> Disclaimer: Nope, still don’t own anything but the muse who comes up with this stuff.
> 
> Beta: justashadow
> 
> Author Note: I know, it’s been awhile since I’ve done any Wincest but the muse is busy with J2. This is a four chapter piece that is complete but is being checked out. It will have regular updates though. Also, as the warning said, this is not one that shows John in a very good light which is odd since my opinion of the man has mellowed some but the muse decided to go major jerk in this one so just remember that. You were warned. Enjoy!

**Sacrificing Innocence**

**Chapter One**

 

** Rural Kentucky, October 29, 2000: **

“Where the hell is my brother? Oh, and before you think of lying to me about that answer take a look at the asshole over my shoulder and ask yourself this. If I’m willing to beat the goddamn crap out of Caleb for listening to you, leading me on some wild goose chase and lying to me then will I do the same, if not worse, to you because right now you are not my father. Right now, you are a goddamn lying sack of shit who I will shoot if I don’t have the answer to my question in the next five seconds…starting now. Where is Sam?”

At 21, Dean Winchester felt like he’d been hunting the weird and paranormal for most of his life and he guessed in some ways maybe he had been. He’d had a shotgun in his hands by the time he was old enough to hold one. He couldn’t really recall the age he’d been the first time he’d dug up a grave or shot rock salt thru a spirit. He also couldn’t recall the last time he’d been this furious with his father but he was damn certain it would be the last time.

At 6’, the lean and rangy hunter was almost as tall as his father. He knew that while John Winchester might be an ex-Marine who’d taught his sons how to fight and how to hunt the things that he blamed for their mother’s death. He also knew he’d learned how to fight dirty and he wasn’t above using that now. He also wasn’t above pulling the .45 he carried if he thought that would get him the answers he wanted; answers he very much needed and needed in a hurry.

For the past few years it had seemed like John was off hunting by himself or with the few hunters they knew that would still associate with the often gruff, hardcore, and somewhat obsessive man and that suited Dean just fine. If John was off on his own then that meant he and Sam weren’t fighting every minute of the day as it seemed like they had been since the day his little brother hit 16 and started standing up for himself.

Dean had long since stopped caring that his life had pretty much been sealed the night Mary Winchester died on the ceiling of his then six month old baby brother’s nursery. The night their house burned down and all hell had literally broken loose. Dean had gone from a normal four year old to someone who was still haunted with the things he’d seen that night and the knowledge that he had Sammy to protect.

The job of protecting his brother had been drilled into Dean’s skull along with every other lesson John had instilled in his oldest. Except, it seemed like lately Dean was spending most of his time between brother and father as John just couldn’t accept Sam’s choice to not join the ‘family business’.

Ever since Sam had learned the truth, since he’d found out what their Dad did, why they were always moving around from one cheap motel to another and why he could never stay in one school, his stubborn, often too mouthy little brother had made it known that he was getting out. That he wouldn’t spend his life hunting when he wanted to go to college and find that little slice of normal.

From the first time Sam had thrown that in their Dad’s face, during a fight shortly after he’d turned 15, Dean used to hope Sam might change his mind. Or that John would soften his hard ways, how he was always drilling Sam, trying to make his brother train with weapons or hand to hand when all Sam wanted was to be like the kids he went to school with.

Now that Sam was 6’4”, a small annoying fact that Dean tried to ignore, and 17 it was getting more difficult to ignore his mood swings, the way he and John were almost always fighting or the letters from colleges that Sam didn’t think Dean knew he’d been getting for a couple months now.

It wouldn’t be a happy choice for Dean, but if he had to choose between letting Sam go to keep him happy and safe or possibly having his brother hurt, or even worse to lose him, all due to their Dad’s attitude then the hunter was trying to prepare himself to make that choice.

Now, he and John stared at one another. Dean having made a frantic and furious drive back across three small towns in the backwoods of Kentucky, only to realize he was not only too late but that their father had finally taken his reckless obsession too far. He knew what his choice had to be, assuming he could find his now missing sibling, before Sam could be hurt or even worse.

Dean was pissed at John, he was pissed at his bruised and bloodied friend and fellow hunter Caleb, but he was also pissed at himself, for not seeing through the goddamn lie. For leaving Sam alone to do more research into whatever had been killing people in the area for the last several months.

“You lied to me! You used Caleb to lie to me so I’d leave Sam here. All because you knew I wouldn’t take him into a situation that might be more than Caleb or I could handle, especially when I didn’t know what it was I was heading into!” Dean gave a shove against his clearly angry father’s chest and used enough force to move the man back three steps. “Go ahead! Punch me! But you hit me this time because I’m in your face over what you did and I swear that I will hit back, Dad. Now tell me where in the hell is Sam! Tell me what the hell you did!”

John Winchester’s eyes were narrowed to slits and his hands were bunching into fists. He tried to rein in the temper that he knew he and both of his sons shared to some degree. But it was hard to stand there and let his oldest son, not only talk to him like he was, but to also shove him and not shove back. “Dean, calm…ugh!”

“Don’t tell me to calm down after you let some goddamn coven of witches grab my brother to use as goddamn bait for some spell!” Dean was furious and it showed in both the tone of his voice and the fact that he’d just punched his father in the jaw without even thinking twice.

He heard voices behind him trying to urge him to calm down but both the hunter and the big brother inside him were long past calming down. Dean knew he’d been past that point from the moment Caleb had let something slip that he probably shouldn’t have, and just like that, a switch had been thrown and Dean had known he’d been lied to.

He and Sam had been working this case in Kentucky solo which worked out well for both brothers. Dean enjoyed the time he and Sam got to spend together. It was a lot better when his little brother was laughing and smiling than it was when the tension got so thick that Dean often wanted to pull out his knife, as if could cut it, when Sam and John were in the same room.

Sam hated to hunt, but he didn’t moan about it as much so long as it was just them. The case had been progressing even though none of the details their Dad had supplied them with were adding up to what Sam’s research was hinting at.

Dean had thought they were getting close to at least figuring out the ghost, monster, or whatever the hell was killing young men and leaving dried out husks. But just when he was about to go look at a local place that seemed to be dead center of all the deaths, John had called with orders to drive three towns over to help Caleb wrap up the case.

John hadn’t given a stunned and confused Dean time to argue. He’d immediately launched into one his bitching tirades that he’d let Sam waste too much time ‘researching’ instead of getting out and hunting the monster down, like he’d taught him to do.

It wasn’t until Dean had gotten to where his unusually nervous friend was waiting for him that something began to tingle in the back of his head. Then nothing Caleb was saying about the case made any sense. But what triggered Dean’s temper, what made him turn to throw the first fist into his friends face before slamming him onto the hood of the Impala with a hand to his throat, was when he’d nervously made some comment about Sam being the type of guy, young, hot, and a virgin, that this monster went for.

The tall, skinny, bald hunter had been friends with the Winchesters for a number of years and Dean usually cut Caleb some slack but there were limits even he had. Mentioning that Sam was hot was top among them as no one was supposed to notice how hot his no longer gawky or chubby baby brother had gotten sometime between 14 and 17.

Dean had been having a hard time reminding himself not to think that so the moment Caleb had offhandedly said it, it pissed him off. Then the fact that Caleb chose to point out that Sam actually did fit the profile, which made the hunter in Dean a little more nervous. Though what had finally made him start to think on things more was that Caleb had chosen to mention that Sam was a virgin.

First, the hunter considered that an off-topic subject with anyone and second, Dean hadn’t relayed that detail to anyone yet when Sam connected all the similarities between the victims.

All five victims had been young, between 16 and 21, good looking, had all been good Church going boys from local areas and all virgins. They had all been marked with some odd design on their chest before, it looked like, the life had literally been drained out of them. The coroner’s report on them had also been able to show that they’d all recently had sex, either right before or maybe even during death.

That was when it all hit Dean like a ton of bricks. He’d had Caleb by the throat a second later until the other hunter had grudgingly given up that John had been working the case behind Dean’s back, and had reasoned that some kind of coven had been behind the murders. He’d also reasoned a good way to catch them in the act was to use his younger son as bait.

“You had no right to put Sammy in the middle of this without telling me you were planning to use him as bait for this sick-ass coven of nuts!” Dean was now shouting and didn’t care who heard him. His fists bunching in John’s jacket even as a hand was trying to pull him back. “Get the fuck off or I do more than bloody your face, Caleb!” he snapped as he glared at John.

“Would you have let Sam do this?” John countered when he finally broke Dean’s grasp and gave him a hard shove back. Before he could do more he found that his oldest wasn’t quite ready to back down, or to see reason in his plan.

“No, I would not have let Sam do this and did Sam do it on his own Dad?” Dean shot back angrily only to get more furious when he caught the way John’s jaw twitched and knew his brother hadn’t offered to be bait. “You son of a bitch! How’d you arrange this?” he demanded tightly as the fury slowly began to be replaced by sick dread. “Sam’s smarter than you or I give him credit for. He just wouldn’t open the door to the motel room to someone he didn’t know. Plus, I can’t see a bunch of witches just happening on him in our motel room unless you gave them the address…and if I find out you did, I swear you will die.”

“Don’t be stupid, Dean.” John pulled away from his irate son even as the door to his motel room was opening to allow a cautious Pastor Jim Murphy to enter after he’d heard the fight from his own room. “If you and your brother had been paying attention, you’d have noticed that all the victims had vanished from roughly the same area. They’d all been in the local gas station shortly before they disappeared.”

“Yeah, noticed that, thank you.” Dean’s teeth were clenched while glaring. “Sam and I had already checked the place out. It was clean for EMF but then you neglected to fill us in that we were looking for witches!”

“John? What’s going on?” Jim Murphy had been one of the first hunters that had met John Winchester when he was on his need to learn what had killed his wife. He was also one of the few who still associated with the man but that was mainly because Jim wanted to offer as much support to John’s two sons as he could. “I thought you told me Dean was working a case a few states over while Sam did research for you here on the coven.” he narrowed his eyes as he stared between father and son awhile then threw a hard look at a guilty Caleb. “John! You told me it was Sam’s idea to go to that gas station, to try to make himself get noticed and if they grabbed him we’d be able to follow them. What did you do?”

“That’s what I want to know!” Dean took a step closer but this time his hand was moving to the .45 he kept in the back of his jeans. “How’d you get Sam to go? I told him to stay put and keep digging on that location I’d been about to go check out. He was pissed at you so he’d never go to that gas station by you telling him to so how…” he stopped when he followed where Caleb’s eyes had moved to and grabbed for the phone that had been tossed on the table. One look gave Dean the answer. “This is one of my old phones. You tricked my brother into thinking I’d texted him to come meet me there. You knew the coven would be hunting their next victim soon. You…goddamn it!”

Jim was shoving in front of a furious Dean, not because he wanted to stop the younger man, but because he wanted answers before Dean broke John’s jaw or worse. “You…John, I’ve overlooked and excused a lot of the crap that you’ve pulled, especially where these boys have been concerned, but right now I’m half tempted to take a page out of Bobby Singer’s book and fill your ass full of buckshot. Did you send Sam in there on a lie? Did you set your own boy up to use as some sort of sex bait for the coven?” he demanded. “John!”

“Sam fit the profile. He’s young enough still, he’s good looking and still a virgin…unless he picked up on some of Dean’s habits.” John returned with a shrug, turning to point to the wall where he’d set up a timeline of events. “He’s a hunter so it’s his responsibility to take the risks in these situations rather than risk another innocent boy. I knew someone at the station was in league with the witches so I knew if they saw him by himself, without Dean, that the odds were good they’d grab him.”

“The water or something in that station is drugged. That’s how they get the drop on their victims. They drink or eat something from there, ingest the drug, and that allows the heavy hitters to grab them without a fuss,” he glanced back over his shoulder to smirk at his furious son. “If your brother had paid more attention to those damn lessons he might not have been grabbed so easily. It was hard to watch two guys only a little bigger than Sam take him down but…ugh! Dean!”

Dean had been trying to rein his fury in. He had been trying to give his father the benefit of some doubt or at least try to convince himself that the man maybe hadn’t known fully what sending Sam in there would do. But then as he listened to him bitch at how easy the coven members had taken his 6’4”, wiry and agile as a cat despite those damn long legs, little brother down to kidnap him it sunk home with a sickening thud that John had been close enough to watch. He’d watched and had done nothing to stop the assault or the kidnapping from happening.

“You…watched Sammy get taken?” he asked tightly, his tone dropping into a much lower one. One that had Caleb shooting him looks of worry, because as the bald hunter knew from prior experience, when Dean’s voice dropped that low it meant blood would soon be shed. “You set him up to get grabbed and then you watched him get grabbed and you did nothing to stop it? You’re his father!”

“We’re on a hunt! I’m not yours or Sam’s father when we’re in the middle of a hunt. You know that. You have got to keep emotions out of the field.” John had never come right out and said that but he’d tried to teach his boys to control their emotions in the field. He’d given them the same training as he’d been given in the Marines and was still surprised that Dean, the son who never back talked him until recently, was giving him so much grief over this plan. “I needed Sam inside the coven so they’d be focused on him and wouldn’t risk another local boy. I planned that Jim and I would be in position by the time night fell. By the time they finished the ritual, finished with Sam, we’d be close enough to stop what they summon before it actually killed your brother and then we’d deal with the other witches. But now you’ve put us behind schedule with this tantrum so…”

“Okay, you never told me any of that when you got me to get Dean to come meet me.” Caleb had been torn between cleaning himself up, keeping an eye on his friend, and getting the hell out of the area before Dean remembered his part in this messed up plan. Now he was shocked, as well as a little angry.

The bald weapons expert considered John a mentor in hunting, even though the man was a bit too obsessive in his need to hunt the supernatural. His respect for John had led him to go along with the man’s demands; that he pretend to be working the case three towns away. He’d been told John needed Dean away for a couple hours because John didn’t want his oldest son investigating the area he’d been heading for. It hadn’t made sense to Caleb but he’d gone along with it. Now it and John’s offhanded comments about Sam, the very comments that Caleb had repeated to Dean, made too much sense and Caleb knew he’d been played.

“Dean, I swear that I did not know he was going to use Sam as bait…” Caleb shut up when he was pinned by hot green eyes and knew this had pushed Dean well past his usual over protective state toward his younger brother.

Jim had been looking between father and son when he suddenly latched onto Dean’s arm a second before the younger hunter went to lunge for John’s throat. “You didn’t let me in on this plan either.” he stared at his friend with a look of warning for the angry John not to even think of lashing out at his son. “You knew I’d never let you involve Sam in this plan or at least not as the victim! John! You know what that spell they use is! You know what those people will do to that boy! Tell me you planned to stop them before the ritual. Tell me that or I’m not stopping Dean from shooting you if he goes for the .45.”

“No, he didn’t plan to step in until whatever the ritual is was complete because he wants to take out the big bad thing that comes, if anything does.” Dean didn’t need to hear the words from his father, he’d heard enough to know how the man thought when he was on a case. He’d seen him take these types of risks before but usually it had been with Dean’s own ass on the line, never Sam’s. If Dean had any other doubt about finding a way to get Sam the hell out of this life then this stunt just took it away. “He needed me away for the same reason he never told you what he was planning. Because you wouldn’t have let him use Sam as bait…wait, what kind of ritual or spell are they using?” he was trying to replay some of the pastor/hunter’s words but kept coming up with two words. “Did someone use the words sex spell?”

“If you boys had done the right research then maybe you’d have known what you were up against.” John shot back, tone and body language clearly saying how angry he was at this turn of events. “The coven needs to use the sexual energy of a virgin to appease whatever it is they’re using for power. They drug the boy and…”

Dean had just been going back over things Sam had been muttering the morning he left when those words hit him. The next second had his hand moving and the .45 he carried at the small of his back was out and aimed at his now surprised father’s face. “You knew going into this that it was a damn sex coven. You knew before you called me away that they drugged their victims so they could rape them for a damn spell. You knew this and yet you still let them grab _my_ brother?” he stared at John while silently wondering why he wasn’t more shocked.

“I know the ends justify the means in your brand of hunting but when does using my 17 year old brother as bait to be hurt or even raped justify anything?” Dean demanded in the same tone of voice that he’d used on others who had been a threat to his brother, usually right before he drew blood of some kind. “You put that boy in my arms when I was four years old and told me to run and don’t look back. Well, I ran then and I swear to you the second I get Sam back, the second I make sure he’s okay, I will take him and run again.

“I will do what I should’ve done when I hit 18 and saw how bad your fights were getting with him. The night I told you that if I ever saw you put one more goddamn bruise on Sam I would end you. I should’ve taken him and left because God only knows it’s been mainly me and him all our lives!” Dean stepped back but made certain not to lower his weapon, knowing John would make some move to stop him if he did. “You wanted me away from that old barn outside of town. That’s where they’re at, isn’t it, Jim?” he spoke to Jim Murphy over John and heard the man acknowledge his question.

“Fine. I’m going to go get Sammy back. I’m going to do whatever it takes to get my brother back. Jim and Caleb are welcome to follow me if they want to finish this case or deal with…whatever. But if you show your face at that barn, do not try to get in my way of doing whatever I have to, to fix what you let happen. And when I get Sam back, stay the hell away from us.” he growled, dropping his arm only when he was by the door and only after he’d grabbed a small duffel. “Until you decide to see sons and not soldiers, until I get Sam the hell out of this life or until you realize just what the hell you’ve done, I don’t want to see you.”

“Dean!” John started to lunge for the door only to be knocked back against the wall by a furious Jim Murphy. “Jim! I can’t let him go tearing in there like this! He’ll ruin…ugh!”

Jim’s fist stung a little from where it had just connected with John’s jaw but he didn’t care about that right then. He was trying to quickly decide how much time he could waste on kicking John’s ass when he tossed a glance over his shoulder. “You! You didn’t use enough common sense to see John was using you so get your ass out there with Dean and watch his back!” he snapped at a blinking Caleb. “I’ll catch up just as soon as I finish here. Go!”

Caleb didn’t have to be told twice. He grabbed his duffel and shotgun and made a beeline out the door with the hope that Dean would give him a chance to make up for this and not just run him over. He also didn’t want to see what was probably about to go down between the two older men. “Ace! Wait up!”

Jim waited until he heard the sound of the Impala’s tires screeching away to shoot a grim faced John a hard look. “Tell me why you used Sam. Tell me it’s got nothing to do with him being disrespectful or impossible to deal with lately. Tell me you did not plan to let this coven use your own son in their ritual all because he pissed you off. Tell me something and mean it or else I will end Dean’s problems with you real quick.” he growled while moving around the room.

“I don’t have to explain my reasons to you Jim.” John knew on the one hand he’d acted recklessly and even understood how it looked or made him look as a father but the hunter in him was more concerned with not allowing the evil that had infected this town to harm another innocent. His own sons didn’t apply in that case because he was trying to teach them that in this business there was no room for emotions or care to who got hurt so long as the hunt was finished. “Sam’s a big boy. He knows his role in the family business is to follow orders and do what he’s told. Dean coddles him too much. He’ll never toughen up or survive what’s coming if he doesn’t take some lumps for the job.”

Jim had heard this argument for years. He and Bobby had had this same argument with John numerous times as the boys were growing up but this time he had to start worrying about the man’s mental health as he wasn’t sure if John truly understood what his actions might have just caused.

“John, this isn’t like pushing Sam too hard in training, or even those damn 10 mile hikes you used to make the boys do, or even taking him onto a hunt when he was sick with pneumonia! You watched Sam be kidnapped when you knew the ritual involved requires them to basically force sex on your son!” Jim stared at the other man before grabbing him by the front of his jacket to literally shake him. “Did you plan for us to lurk outside that barn tonight while someone was in there raping Sam?” he demanded. “John?”

“No, of course not. I…” John stopped when it suddenly dawned on him that if he and Jim had waited for the ritual to be over, for the witches to ‘summon’ the thing they thought gave them their power, then that actually would have been what happened. “Shit. Jim, I…I know I get caught up in the hunt, especially when people are being hurt but…”

“But you only saw a way to an end.” Jim shook his head sadly. “Bobby and I told you that this obsession you have was going to get someone hurt or cost you. Well, it might have just cost you a lot more than just the life of one of your sons and it sure as hell might still cost Sam a lot more if Dean can’t get there in time to stop this.” he stalked to the door to grab his gear, and go help the boys if he could, but he paused to look back and saw finally there was some type of emotion, he wasn’t sure if it was regret or guilt, showing on John’s rugged face.

“I know you get carried away, I know you might even mean well with how you treat the boys but I’m going to tell you this one more time. Dean can walk away anytime he wants now and the second you push Sam too far and that boy leaves the only leverage you have on Dean will be gone.” Jim had no doubt in his mind that eventually John would go too far in his treatment of Sam, he’d push his rules too far and the younger Winchester would walk. “Sam’s all that keeps Dean here and you know that. You’ve known since Dean was a kid that Sam was basically his whole world. What you did today might have cost you what respect Dean still had for you and I sure as hell wouldn’t try to go close to them until he calms down, because if Sam’s hurt too badly, Dean will kill you John. Think on that.”

John stared at the door long after it had slammed before he sat down on the bottom of the bed, pulling out his wallet to stare at the few photos he kept on him.

The one of him and Mary right after they had gotten married reminded him of the dreams they’d had of the future. He looked at the one of all four of them in front of the house in Lawrence, the house that was now nothing but a nightmare to him, and could recall how happy they’d been the day Sam had been born.

John still loved his wife but at times like this he wondered if she’d still love him or if she’d kick his ass for allowing their sons to grow up like they had, especially their youngest.

The fights with Jim and Bobby over how he raised the boys, or as it looked to people. How he’d allowed Dean to raise his brother weren’t new to John but he’d accepted years ago that to find the thing that murdered Mary, to put a stop to the evil that cursed his family, it would require sacrifices. It wasn’t always easy to accept what those sacrifices would be or who they would hurt but John knew there’d be many more to come if what he was learning was actually true.

Right then though he had to decide just how much of his younger son’s life, his innocence, how much of Dean’s respect was worth losing just to stop some witches. “Damn it!”

\----

“Are you going to talk to me or growl under your breath until we get to this place?” Caleb figured he might be better off keeping his mouth shut, especially considering he knew how lucky he’d been Dean had even let him into the Impala to go with him. “Ace, I swear that I didn’t know exactly what John planned or anything. I thought he’d talked with the kid or that he had other plans to put Sam in with…Dean, I’m…”

“Don’t you _dare_ apologize to me now.” Dean’s voice was hard and cold, nothing like it was even when he’d been in a fight with his Dad. He was furious with everyone involved and right then all he could think about was getting to his brother. “Apologize to Sam after I get him out of this mess and you and my father had better pray those assholes haven’t touched him or else I will be ripping out lungs.”

Dean knew where the old barn was located so he aimed the Impala in that direction after peeling out of the hotel parking lot. He’d debated briefly on allowing Caleb to come with him but had in the end because he knew he’d need someone covering his back once there.

“Tell me what you know about this coven or this ritual,” he shot a hard glance beside him, fingers clenching on the wheel because it never felt right unless Sam was sitting in the seat beside him.

“According to some former coven member Jim talked to up in Atlanta, he was a member about 79 years ago when he was younger and foolish or so he said, the coven had been in existence since right after the Civil War. It had been started by some ex-soldiers who’d turned to the dark arts as a way to curse those they felt had wronged them.” Caleb began while also rummaging in the duffel that Dean had tossed in the front seat to pull out some shotgun shells and another box of shells that he figured would work a little better. “The guy said the coven passed on by generational lines so the current members are descendants of those who had started it. They only use outsiders for…well…sacrifices.”

“That’s great to know and I love how somehow that managed to not get back to me and Sammy.” Dean didn’t even bother to demand why that was. He knew their father wouldn’t have wanted him to learn that much because John knew the first hint Dean had that a coven of witches was behind the murders that he’d pull out.

Dean’s hatred for witches was long and with good reason. He’d fight one if he had to but a whole coven when the risks to Sam would be too great? Nope, Dean would’ve pulled them out in order to wait for backup.

“This spell gets done once every 12 years and the guy said it’s believed to strengthen the coven member’s powers. They sacrifice five virgins after having sex with them and then the sixth one is the one that seals the deal so to speak.” Caleb cringed and he swore the leather on the Impala’s steering wheel was going to crack if Dean’s fingers gripped it any tighter. “When John commented that Sam was the right choice it didn’t click with me, Dean. You know I’d never let him do anything to hurt the kid. Hell, I’ve seen what you’ve done to people who looked at Sam wrong so…”

“No one touches my brother and lives to repeat the mistake.” Dean had beaten up and threatened more than a few bullies while he and Sam were growing up. He’d also kept that promise that anyone who hurt Sam gets hurt in return. He was willing to do the same this time as well but something was making the hair on the back of his neck tingle in a way that he knew was bad. “Tell me about the ritual or spell? Can it be stopped? Or if it’s interrupted, what happens to their intended victim or in this case Sam?” he demanded, slowing the Impala to avoid tearing the exhaust system out on the rough roads. He could see the lights shining from the barn that was up ahead.

“According to the old guy, once the ritual is started it has to be completed or else the victim…Sam…would die in agony.” Caleb saw the frown Dean had and guessed the cause. “He said they really don’t have to kill the victims. The main spell is a straight forward fuck or die spell so they use the power of their victims losing their virginity to work the spell but about the time this guy was a member, the coven leader at the time decided to start killing the victims so no one would talk.” he watched the way his friend’s jaw was clenching, the muscle twitching as Dean took all of this in. “He was never sure how the guy actually killed the victims. He left as soon as things went too dark.”

Dean pulled the car over to let it idle and was running what he’d just learned back through his head along with other little things Sam had uncovered that hadn’t made sense to him. “These witches girls, guys, a mix or…just how kinky is this coven, dude?” he asked only to groan when Caleb merely cleared his throat. “Okay, no…no way in hell is some kinky dude with delusions of grandeur fucking my brother just to get his kicks or maybe to summon some kind of big power. Nope, not happening.”

“Dean, you know what this spell is. Fuck or die means just that.” Caleb was so glad he’d never been hit with one of those because as Bobby had finally and with a little too much detail one time had explained to him those weren’t always the easiest to cure. “Maybe, as wrong as it sounds to say or do, but maybe let the witch do the spell so it breaks the hold on Sam and then we’ll…whoa! Ace! Just an idea! Just an idea!” he yelled when suddenly a hand was on his throat and hot green eyes had gone to narrow slits to glare at him.

“No goddamn witch is touching my brother in any way.” Dean gritted but his stomach was knotting with unease and more than a little dread.

The hunter knew what the spell was and how it worked. He knew what it did to victims that couldn’t break it so he understood the risk to his brother. Dean also knew he’d have to come up with another way to break it because despite the efforts of some really hot and determined girls that Sam went to school with since he hit 16 and grew out of that gawky stage he also knew his brother hadn’t committed to any of them and knew, in a bad way, that was also another reason he’d fit the profile.

Caleb was about to try to point out they had very little other way around the curse when suddenly a sound broke through the near silent night air, a sound that they heard even in the Impala as far away as it still sat idling, and he knew his friend well enough to clench his teeth, close his eyes, and pray a second before he heard the engine growled as the car was gunned forward. “Dean! This is not a good idea!” he yelled, peeking from under his half closed lids before shutting them again to avoid seeing the car getting closer to the closed front doors of the barn.

“Neither is hurting Sam enough to make him scream like that! Shut up and hold on!” Dean had spent 17 years watching over his brother. He’d learned early on to recognize sounds, looks, expressions on Sam that others might overlook or not pay attention to but the one he figured he would never forget anytime soon was the pain and fear he could hear in Sam’s voice as it screamed before choking off.

Normally Dean would have done the stealth route of approaching the barn on foot, getting inside and finding the best and hopefully safest way to deal with the witches but the scream from Sam ruled that plan out and brought ‘Plan B’ into play. Which was to drive his car right thru the closed wooden barn doors and into the middle of something out of some old B-grade horror movie or stereotypical old movie.

Dean had scouted the outside of the old barn earlier that week because he and Sam had deduced that it was actually in the center of all the dead young men but he hadn’t gone inside. Now he was wishing he had as it was a lot bigger than it looked from the outside.

Most of the barn, or what Dean could see while working to slam on the brakes as he jerked the wheel hard to bring the car to a sliding side stop, scattering most of the robed men currently there, looked to be open space. There looked like there was a smaller blocked off area toward the back, a loft with stairs leading up to it, but it was what was in the center of the room that caught and held Dean’s attention.

The large but smooth looking stone that had to have been a bitch to get moved into the barn was set in the center of the barn. It was surrounded by burning candles, small effigy statues that made Dean’s eyes roll at how stupid this current generation of so-called witches was that they didn’t even know what the hell they were calling on. He’d spotted other items hanging from the rafters that told him these guys weren’t sure if they were witches or Satanists but for the most part the stone alter had his attention or the young man currently laid out naked on it had his focus.

“Sam!” he shouted, gun drawn as he exited the Impala while he heard Caleb’s shotgun firing to discourage any particularly brave souls who thought it was a good idea to get in his face right then. “Get away from him!”

The witches in the barn had all scattered except for a few, most of them decided, after a few well aimed blasts from the shotgun in Caleb’s hands, that retreat was the better part of valor in this case. Only two, the ones who were near the stone alter and who were now the biggest threat to Sam, remained.

“Get the fuck away from my brother!” Dean’s aim was steady even though his hands wanted to shake as he moved close enough to see the bruises and blood on Sam’s pale, sweaty face as well as on his arms and legs. It was clear that Sam had managed to put up a fight before his captors got him to the drugged state he appeared to be in now. “Drop the blade or my first shot goes through your damned heart!” he snapped to the man at the head of the alter. He was holding a bloody knife, too close for Dean’s comfort, to Sam’s throat. “Drop it!”

“The ritual has begun. To stop it now will certainly kill him.” the man at the other end replied with a sneer as he glanced back to the bloody symbol that had been put on Sam’s chest. “You interrupted our ritual but you cannot stop us from completing our goal and pleasing He who gives us power, hunter.”

As Dean’s eyebrows lifted in surprise and Caleb cursed that the head of the coven, the more ornate robe gave that clue away, revealed that he knew they were hunters the man’s eyes moved to look at the way Sam Winchester’s naked body lay free of any bonds but was still, except for the tremors that seemed to be increasing.

“The boy is much stronger than most of the other sheep were so his blood, his innocence will feed it well and it will reward those of us who are loyal. Stop me from claiming him, from completing the ritual and his death will be long and painful instead of the more merciful one I can grant. You can’t complete what needs to be done and…”

The sound of the .45 firing cut the witch’s bragging threats off with a startled yell from Caleb who hadn’t been expecting Dean to actually shoot the man.

“I’ll take my chances, thanks.” Dean growled while ignoring a stunned Caleb to easily shift his aim to the other man who’d dropped his knife and was backing away once he realized things weren’t going according to plan anymore. “You! Tell me what to do to save my brother or you can join your buddy in Hell. Talk fast and don’t lie to me!”

“S-sex! He needs sex since that’s the spell Malcom uses to appease the deity he says gives us power!” the other witch, a much younger man with long greasy red hair managed to get out while tearing off his own robe as this coven idea no longer seemed appealing to him.

“Told you it was a fuck or die spell.” Caleb muttered even as he tried to keep an eye on things in case any of the others got brave enough to try to sneak back in.

“Since I’m guessing your buddy there drugged my brother so he can’t fight or move, the spell can only be broken if someone fucks Sam, right?” Dean knew there were different versions of this spell and wanted to be sure what he was dealing with before he worked out a plan to get them out of this mess. “What else?” he asked as he recalled the bodies condition when found. “The other victims were all dried out husks. Is there a backdoor to this spell or didn’t he cast it yet?”

The redhead swallowed thickly while staring between the two hunters and the now moaning teenager on the stone slab. “Malcom…we don’t know what else he did to those boys once he fucked them. He’d take the bodies away himself but all I know is he didn’t get to finish having me make all the marks on this one that the others had cause you came busting in here…ugh!” he cut off when a fist landed in his gut.

“Next time you pick to get involved with a bunch of half occult crazed nuts who think they’re witches and go about killing virgins? Don’t pick up the brother of a pissed off hunter because that just pissed me off a lot more. And whether or not you keep breathing or join your dead pal there in Hell depends on if I can break this spell in time to save my brother.” Dean growled as he used the butt of his pistol to hit the guy in the head while snapping at Caleb to watch him and the dead guy. “Stay here and watch things in case any of the others come back and if Jim or the asshole who calls himself my father show up keep them the hell out of here.” he ordered.

“Huh? What? Okay, keeping watch I get but…Dean? What’re you doing?” Caleb nudged the guy Dean had shot with the toe of his boot so he was confident he was dead but he did keep his shotgun pointed at the groaning other one to be safe. “Dean? We need to get Sam and maybe give Singer a call to see if he knows of a counter spell to…”

“You know there’s no counter spell.” Dean hurried back to the stone to catch his brother’s face between his hands to try to see if his eyes were clear as he’d seen they were open earlier. “Sam? Sammy? Hey, you in there, little brother?” he asked once he saw too wide, too dark hazel eyes were open and struggling to find his voice. “Sam? Can you hear me?” he was torn between hoping so and praying that Sam couldn’t because he’d much rather do this if you could say later that Sam was unconscious or too drugged out to remember anything but Dean feared that while the drug kept his brother trapped in his body, unable to resist his attackers, his mind was still very much active.

Sam Winchester’s thoughts were a jumble right then as he tried to fight the living nightmare that he’d woken up to. He vividly recalled still being angry that Dean had left but knew it was often easier on his older brother to just do what their father said than argue, especially since lately John had been on a tight wire and snapped without even that much provocation from either of his sons.

The call bothered Sam but not for the reasons Dean might have thought. He didn’t mind his brother going to help Caleb but he did mind basically being told that they’d been wasting time and hadn’t done the case correctly, when Sam knew both he and Dean had been busting their asses to find the last clue to tie all the weird and loose ends up. But it was like Sam kept running into dead ends online in his research where there shouldn’t have been.

He’d been just about to run another search program when the text had come from Dean’s phone, an older phone but still a number he’d recognized as his brother’s, to meet him at the gas station a few miles from the hotel they were staying at.

Sam had just gotten off the phone with John who’d yelled and lectured him on something that had nothing to do with this case and he’d been pissed off but to save Dean from getting dragged into the middle of yet another fight he’d bitten his tongue until it almost bled to keep from saying the things he’d wanted to.

At 17, Sam was struggling to keep his grades up and still hunt with Dean. He hated ‘the family business’ and he couldn’t wait to be 18 and hopefully able to go to one of the colleges he’d applied to. He didn’t like the thought of leaving his brother and had been working on a way to convince Dean to come with him. But he feared his brother would stay with their Dad out of some warped sense of duty and obligation rather than fulfill his own dreams.

Of course Sam would never tell Dean the other reason he wanted him to leave to go wherever he did. He’d lie if he had to since he knew telling his brother the truth would be the worst possible idea, as that would only get Dean to hate him. So he’d been working on valid reasons for Dean to follow him, to hunt if he wanted to, but just away from their father and preferably on the West Coast which was where most of the colleges were that he’d been interested in.

Sam had been brooding over the fight with John when the text had come in so he knew he hadn’t allowed himself to think too much about why Dean would use that phone when he’d just bought a new one. He’d walked to the gas station only to get angry that his brother’s warped sense of humor had picked this time to come out because Sam didn’t think it was funny that Dean wasn’t there. After Sam waited for 30 minutes Dean had sent another text to say he’d gotten hung up and would call later.

By that point the younger Winchester had been tired, hot, and angry so he’d started the walk back to the motel only to realize he was getting dizzy. It took only five more steps for Sam to realize something was wrong and before he could reach for his phone he’d been grabbed from behind. He was dragged into a van that he’d noticed in the gas station’s parking lot every time he and his brother had either stopped or passed by.

There’d been a dizzying moment of panic before the side of Sam that his brother had trained kicked in and he tried to fight back only to realize with a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach that he’d been drugged. He thought he might’ve connected with one of his attackers, he’d felt bone break under his fist, but then a heavy hand had pressed a smelly rag over his mouth and nose and the teenager felt himself drifting even as he felt the prick on his arm from a needle.

By the time Sam returned to semi consciousness he quickly realized he was naked on a stone slab in the middle of some run down barn, surrounded by men in robes. He also realized that despite being half conscious, he couldn’t move to see what was happening. He’d been silently trying to fight past the drugs while cursing his own temper and stupidity for not seeing the obvious set-up when the knife cut into his chest. Despite being drugged to be mute and docile had screamed from the pain.

His voice had cut off when something was blown in his face. Sam’s eyes had been clearing when he heard what he took as the head of the coven, of course it would be witches, brag that he’d be the final and most perfect of the sacrifices. It took another second for Sam to understand the full meaning behind that and that he wasn’t sure if he was scared or sickened by the things being said while the other man cut marks into his chest as a and the chanting began to amp up.

Ever since he learned about what his Dad did, ever since he’d been dragged into hunting, Sam had picked up on things he’d researched or learned. So he understood, with nauseous dread, that a part of the spell that had just been cast was a sex spell. He’d already figured out from the other victims that they’d been killed during or after sex so now it all made sense to the reluctant hunter. He just hadn’t planned to be the sixth victim to whatever these guys were praying to. Then it dawned on him what that sex spell really was and his panic notched up even as he felt his body aching in ways that it normally only did when he was alone in his bed at night.

Sam could feel he wasn’t tied but his body was like lead, his blood was on fire and his head hurt. It was infuriating to Sam to be this helpless. But what hurt him the most was that if he survived, and that was a big if, he’d have to face his father and brother with not only his failure to defend himself, to see the danger before it hit, but also the shame of what was clearly about to happen. Sam could hear the voice of the man closest to him explaining in vivid detail how he planned to rape the helpless young man and then kill him slowly before having his way with him again.

It would have been blissful to be unconscious for any of this but Sam knew the spell would keep him conscious but frozen. Then he heard the roar of an engine, the breaking of wood, people shouting and a voice that Sam knew he’d never been so glad to hear…until he realized the spell was still active; then his fear returned.

The teenager was struggling to break the spell or at least find the strength to move when he heard a gunshot, he heard Caleb’s voice, but it was Dean’s voice that he tried to focus on. He needed the strength in his older brother’s deep voice to keep him from sinking into despair, as he felt the burning pain in his groin begin to spread and knew this wasn’t just a straight sex spell.

“Sammy!” Dean’s voice calling to him, with just a hint of rare desperation, had Sam’s eyes slowly trying to focus on where his brother was. When he finally locked onto the deep green eyes, he saw that they showed a worry that normally Dean might not show since they weren’t alone. “Can you hear me?”

It took a moment before Sam managed to fight the drugs and give a small nod to show Dean that he could. He wanted to scream, to beg his brother to do something, anything, to stop the burning and the pain he was in. But Sam realized he was screwed because this spell needed something that this time his big brother, the hero Sam would look up to until he was dead, couldn’t help him with. Dean wasn’t just his brother but Dean was as straight as they came so even if they could get past the whole ‘brother’ issue then…

Sam had to stop his panicked flow of thoughts to backtrack his mind to what he thought Dean had just asked him. He’d been lost in his own head for a moment so he had to hope his scrunched eyes told his brother he hadn’t caught the question, or if he had, then Sam knew he’d misheard it as Dean could not have just asked him what he thought he had.

“You know what kind of spell this is, right?” Dean’s eyes were locked on his brother’s face. His fingers not quite steady as they brushed over Sam’s cheek to feel how cold it felt, along with the tears he could see on pale skin, he was sure Sam couldn’t feel falling. “You know there’s only one way for me to break it, don’t you?” he asked and then repeated it when he saw his brother’s face scrunch like Sam used to do as a kid and he hadn’t caught something the first time and needed Dean to repeat it. “I’m not any happier with our options than I figure you are since I’m sure sex with your big brother, regardless of how hot I am, would not be your first choice when it comes to losing your virginity…not the right time to bitch face me, brat, but I’m also not letting some damn crazy witch touch you so…your choice, Sammy.”

There was a choice? If so then Sam wasn’t seeing it. He knew the spell would kill him long before they could find what Dean thought was a suitable person for him to have sex with. Sam had figured out a year earlier that while his brother wasn’t so picky with the girls he seemed to sleep with, he sure as hell was about the ones who’d been after Sam to sleep with them…not that Sam had been interested in any of the too forward girls in his last couple of schools.

It took another couple seconds before Sam understood what Dean was basically offering but he couldn’t make words come out of his throat to give an acknowledgment or let Dean know he understood vocally so Sam made his eyelids blink twice while nodding. He then slid his eyes to the side and back to his brother with a look of worry.

Sex with Dean to save his life was one thing but having to do it on a stone alter in front of Caleb? Sam thought he’d rather die in agony but he felt a warm hand settle on his wrist to offer a reassuring squeeze that told the 17 year old that Dean had already thought of that.

Dean’s nerves were all over the place as he watched Sam slowly give him a sign that he understood what needed to happen and had given as much permission as he could. The older brother in Dean figured he’d be going to Hell faster for what he had to do than the things he’d been thinking about for the last few years. He knew they were running out of time as he watched his brother’s body start to jerk more while a piece of Sam, that Dean had made a conscious effort to not notice, was now getting harder as the spell and drugs worked to make Sam’s body crave sex.

“Caleb!” he snapped without looking back while he leaned down to wrap one of Sam’s limp arms around his neck to help his brother sit up. “Take the prick and get the hell out! Wait outside and don’t come back in or let anyone else in!”

“Huh?” Caleb had been glaring at the red-haired witch when he looked up to see that Dean was struggling to get Sam, who was four inches taller and just starting to get a little broader at the shoulders, off the slab and to his feet. At first the other hunter thought his friend would call for a retreat back to the motel but then he saw that Dean’s eyes were swiveling around the barn to go between the back and the loft and it didn’t take Caleb long to figure out where Dean’s mind was going. “Dean? What…what’re you doing or what’re you going to do?”

Dean’s arm wrapped around Sam’s waist to support him given that right then his brother’s body was almost useless, though he was able to stand so long as Dean helped him. He glanced over at a worried Caleb before moving his gaze back to where Sam’s head had fallen to rest on his shoulder and then back to his friend. “I’m going to save my brother even if it might end up costing me everything.”

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sacrificing Innocence**

**Chapter Two**

Dean Winchester had done a lot of things in his 21 years of life that he wasn’t proud of or happy over. Most of those choices he could slide down the slippery slope of not having any other choice and in some ways he figured he could file this latest decision under that heading as well…once he stopped hating himself.

He knew the only way to save his younger brother would be do something that crossed so many lines passed brothers that Dean figured the moment Sam could move he’d beat the shit out of him. However, right then, he couldn’t think of another choice since it was either him or Caleb and he’d really hate to have to kill his friend.

The steps to the loft looked solid but at 6’4”, and with a lot more weight than Dean ever thought Sam would have on his formerly gawky frame, the hunter didn’t relish the idea of getting Sam up them, so he decided the partitioned off back area would have to work for this.

“Shh, I know it hurts Sammy. Just try to stay calm. I’m…I’m going to take care of it. You can hate me later.” Dean was saying as he got them through the door and kicked it closed with his boot. He took a second to wonder just what the hell else these guys did out here and then eyed the old sofa that was already pulled out into a bed. “Huh, maybe I should’ve shot that one a few more times.” he muttered but then couldn’t take any more time to care when Sam nearly collapsed as the pain in his body got worse. “Damn it! These spells usually take a while to get to this stage.”

“Fast…acting?” Sam’s voice was tight, halting as he struggled to make words come out but saw some relief on Dean’s face that at least he’d spoke. “De’n?” he heard the letter drop in his brother’s name and didn’t care if he sounded scared and unsure, since he was both of those things. “What…?”

Dean eased Sam onto the side of the sofa bed, helping him lay back. He tried to ignore the slight blush on his brother’s cheeks when it dawned on Sam that he was naked and what was happening. “You know if I thought we could wait until we cleared this area or found a nice decent brothel to set you up in that we’d do that, right?” he asked while sitting beside Sam and trying to settle his own nerves. “I…I…I’m so damn sorry this happened, Sammy.”

Sam heard the guilt in Dean’s deep voice and knew his brother didn’t want to do this anymore than he thought Sam wanted him to. Sam wished he had the words to tell his brother how he did feel or what he wanted, but right then he couldn’t force that many words out. He just had to hope he would have the chance to later on.

He strained to move the hand that was closest to Dean and managed to grip his, feeling it held in return as he looked into Dean’s eyes, and watched the way Dean’s eyes changed to a slightly deeper green. “Want…” he groaned, his hips seeming to have a mind of their own as they thrust up. “Dean.”

“I know what you need little brother.” Dean wished it had been more want than need, but he quickly shoved those thoughts aside and stood. He had a brief war with himself as to whether or not he should strip fully or just get this over with. “Do you want to be on your stomach or stay like this?” he asked while deciding it might be less awkward for Sam if they weren’t both naked.

This was so not how Sam had pictured his first time. He was now putting witches at the top of his ‘Hate with a Passion’ list. He knew if he hadn’t been grabbed by the coven that this moment might have happened under different circumstances and because his brother wanted it.

Since Sam knew that Dean was sacrificing his own pride and was still willing to do this he didn’t want to make it weirder for him. He tried to move to his stomach, only to groan in frustration when his body wouldn’t cooperate.

Dean was about to help him move but then worried that Sam wouldn’t be able to move his head enough to breathe if he was on his stomach. So with a look of regret that his brother would have to watch this, he explained his worries to Sam and saw him nod.

“How much time do you think I have to try to prep you?” Dean asked but figured that answer out by the way Sam’s cock was engorged and angry looking. He saw the precome leaking as Sam’s body was now responding to the needs the drug and spell were making him feel.

“Not…much…” Sam gritted, feeling his fingers curling into fists and swore it felt like his blood was boiling. “Dean! Hurts!”

“ _Sonuvabitch_!” Dean would’ve rather have had the time to at least stretch Sam a little because he knew this was going to hurt. He also knew that if he took that time his brother may become more hurt. So with a muttered apology he undid his jeans enough to get his cock out. “I promise I’ll make this up to you and you can beat the crap out of me once we’re clear of this place.” he said while helping Sam move his legs up and back towards him. “I hope that damn spell helps this to not hurt as much as it might. Close your eyes, Sammy.”

Sam knew this would hurt, especially since he wasn’t stretched. He knew they couldn’t take that much time as it was getting hard to not thrash, as his body burned from the inside out. He didn’t want to close his eyes though. He wanted to watch Dean. He watched his brother spit into his hand as the only lube they had for his cock and work it with his fingers for a few strokes. Sam did slowly lower his lashes a little, if only to give Dean some peace of mind.

Dean waited until Sam closed his eyes to kneel between his legs. He adjusted them to try to make it easier on Sam, but he knew by the tremors he could feel that probably all Sam wanted was some relief and to have this nightmare over with. “This better work or I’m ganking that damn witch again.” Dean muttered while offering a silent apology for what he was about to do. “Just try to focus on anything else Sam. I’ll get this over as soon as possible. Then I’ll get you out of here and to a nice hotel where you can rest up.”

Sam wanted to say something, anything, to try to ease Dean’s guilt or the hidden strain he could still here in his voice but he couldn’t. He heard himself gasp at the feel of what he knew, even without looking, was the mushroom head of his brother’s cock squeezing into his tight, unprepared ass.

He’d known there’d be pain as he’d never had anything in his ass but his own fingers, or a toy that he kept well hidden in his duffel. But neither came close to the size of his brother’s dick so Sam knew to expect pain. The sex spell used on him did seem to dull some of the pain as his body’s inner muscles tried to stretch to allow for what it viewed as an intrusion.

“I know it hurts, baby boy, I know. I’m so damn sorry this happened Sammy. It shouldn’t have and I swear to make it up to you somehow.” Dean’s voice was tight as he tried to control his body’s sudden desire to be fully sheathed in the tight moist heat he felt closing around him. With each shallow thrust it was hard to balance his conscience with his body’s need, the desire he had felt, and silently longed for, for over a year. “Just breathe through the pain and try to relax for me Sam. I don’t want to go too fast or…Sam!”

Sam knew why Dean was going so damn slow. He knew his brother was trying not to rip him open any more than he already was and under any other circumstances, at any other time, he’d appreciate that but not right then. Right at that moment all Sam wanted was to feel Dean’s cock in his ass fully. All he wanted was some relief from the ache his own cock was feeling and a need for something that Sam wasn’t sure he could explain right then.

The more Dean moved, the more his ass stretched around his cock, Sam could feel the weight in his arms and legs easing away until he was finally able to move one arm enough to reach up and catch his brother’s t-shirt. He gave it a tug that put Dean off balance and, in his surprise, caused him to thrust forward more.

“Going…slow is worse so just…fuck me!” Sam tasted blood and hoped he’d bit his lip or tongue and that the damn spell wasn’t doing something more than they thought it would. “Please Dean. Please just…ummm…” he blinked when he made the mistake of looking up to see deep green eyes glittering with something a lot more than the guilt he heard in his brother’s voice. Something that took his breath away. Something that made the on edge and needy teenager react with a boldness he knew he’d never have normally. “Kiss me?”

The question took Dean by surprise. But then he quickly figured that the spell, the drug or Sam’s own fear had him looking for something more than Dean was giving as he worked to fully be sheathed inside. He stared at his brother’s pale, bruised face to look for pain or fear. Dean saw the pain but not as much fear as he thought he would. “You sure?” he asked but then caught the flash on Sam’s face before his brother tried to turn it to the side as if ashamed he’d asked.

“Yeah, but…never mind. Forget it. I shouldn’t have asked…I know you don’t want to…huh?” Sam stopped when fingers caught his jaw to hold it still. He wished the damn spell had kept him silent because now he was nervous and when Sam got nervous he tended to ramble.

“Not wanting to is not the issue here.” Dean had to be quick to remind himself to watch what he said or else he’d be digging a deeper hole. “I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret in the morning or afternoon or…you know…whenever.”

“Besides regretting being stupid enough to get jumped or tricked by them? I don’t think I’ll regret asking for one kiss in the middle of having you fuck me to break a spell Dean.” Sam figured Dean might regret it so he was trying not to be disappointed or upset by his brother’s hesitance. He tried to backtrack and shrug it off. Then suddenly he lost the ability to do anything but stare, when hot lips caught his in a kiss that both stunned him and had an immediate response from his body. “Hmm, God…all those girls in school were…okay, shutting up now.”

Dean figured at any other time he’d be amused to hear what Sam was quick not to say but he had to keep telling himself that his brother was still under a spell and not reacting normally. He needed to remember that or else it would have been too easy to let this become more than it was. And then it was just a little harder to focus as Sam’s body suddenly relaxed and his next thrust forward brought them flush with a groan that could’ve come from either of them. “Fuck.”

Sam’s arms were easier to move now and while he wanted to touch Dean he knew not to so he reached to touch his own cock. “Dean?”

“Go ahead, Sammy.” Dean gave a nod while working to thrust his hips a little more now. He wanted this spell broke so he could get Sam to a hotel and see how bad he’d hurt him. He could feel a slickness now when he moved that he prayed wasn’t too much blood.

Leaning up a little more while balancing himself on one arm, Dean’s hips moved faster as he felt Sam’s body respond by matching his moves. He slipped his other hand down to close over Sam’s hand and help him stroke over his dripping and angry looking cock.

Dean kept his eyes locked on Sam’s face. The way it was flushed his lips were parted, and the thin ring of hazel told Dean how deep into this Sam was. He hoped that despite the pain his brother would be in later, that he’d give him a chance to talk before the awkwardness set in.

He caught Sam’s eyes just as he pulled back to slam back in with a low moan, feeling his cock hit that spot inside his brother that he knew would bring a reaction and he wasn’t disappointed.The second Sam’s body lit up, those big eyes shot to his a moment before Dean felt his cock wrapped in tight heat and Sam came with a shout…of Dean’s name.

The surprise of hearing his name rocked Dean but then he lost his focus as he came even before he could pull out or warn Sam. Of course he knew he had to because he figured that was how the damn witch would’ve worked the spell. But Dean had still wanted to warn Sam before his orgasm hit him but it had happened faster than he’d expected.

As Sam felt the warmth filling him he had to bite back a moan that almost escaped. A moan for something he knew he’d never have a chance to experience again. He managed to pry an eye open to watch Dean’s face. He tried to burn the image of how calm, young and at ease his older brother looked as he worked through his climax. With his eyes closed Dean was also still trying to help Sam get through his, with both soothing words and a gentle hand. His touch stayed over Sam’s cock until finally it became oversensitive to touch and the younger man went limp with a soft moan.

“Sam? Sammy?” Dean heard the moan, felt the way his brother’s body went limp and saw a flash of white from under fluttering lashes and feared the worst. He immediately went to pull out with as much care as he could manage but he went still when Sam moved one hand to grip the denim of the jeans that Dean had decided to leave on. “Hang on, let me move and I’ll find something for you to put on so we can…Sammy? Tell me if you feel…well, something other than sore.”

Dean worried the damn witch had added something to the spell or perhaps it hadn’t broke or something worse when all Sam did was shake his head, a single tear falling down his cheek and that nearly had his older brother totally freaking out.

“Damn it, Sam. Tell me if something’s wrong.” Dean heard sounds now from outside the barn that told him something must have happened, or was happening, but right at that moment his whole focus was locked on his brother. He finally eased out of Sam, trying to look for signs that the spell was not broken while also getting his jeans hooked. He also looked for something to wrap his obviously slipping into shock little brother in. “Sammy? C’mon, talk to me. Tell if you’re in pain or…”

Sam could hear the buried guilt and angst in Dean’s normally steady voice, so he knew that Dean was already hating himself for what he felt he’d had to do. Sam did feel sore but he knew he would and figured it would be even worse in the morning, once his body was over the shock, pain, and drugs.

He’d been caught off guard by the emotional side of his orgasm. Sam knew the name he’d called but he also knew Dean probably wouldn’t pay attention to that as his brother would just assume it was the spell. It was hard not to show anything, like a piece of him wanted to, or how much he wanted to say to his brother. He knew now was not a good time, especially when the other sounds began to filter in.

“Dad’s…” Sam cut off when he heard the deep, gruff, and very loud voice of John Winchester shouting from somewhere. Suddenly a hand clamped down around his lungs and he swore he’d pass out while trying to breathe until a more familiar touch settled on the center of his heaving chest. He felt himself calming down a little. “Dad won’t understand Dean. If he finds out what I…”

Dean could now hear the shouts, as well as guns going off, so he guessed maybe whatever was supposed to be summoned had actually made an appearance and was now being killed. Or that’s what he hoped it was because he honestly wasn’t sure he had the energy or desire to kill anything else that night. Unless, of course, it was to shield his brother from more harm.

“You didn’t do anything wrong and if he says anything this, is on my head, not yours little brother.” Dean said as he looked around until he finally located where the assholes had thrown Sam’s clothes and grabbed them to help him get dressed.

He could feel Sam shaking but hoped that was just because he was cold and not fear or shame. Dean was dreading when that would hit because he honestly wasn’t sure how to talk to Sam about what had happened between them. Or about what he’d thought he’d heard his brother say a few times without knowing he was babbling things Sam would normally never say.

“Don’t worry about Dad Sam. Let’s just get you out of here and back to a nice warm hotel, preferably away from this place.” Dean would drive all night if it meant finding a hotel for them that wasn’t in the state of Kentucky. He wanted away from this state, from this town and, he hoped, away from their father so he and Sam could talk and then cope. He held out a hand cautiously. “Can you stand?”

Sam doubted if it would be that easy to deal with their father since he knew John would be angry that he’d screwed up and got nailed. The whole spell and its result would just become more anger and guilt for the ex-Marine to toss at him. Sam just wasn’t sure he was up to dealing with John’s rage that night. He could feel the tension already building in Dean by the way his brother’s hand gripped his when he helped him to stand and then steadied him.

The standing wasn’t hard. It was when Sam went to take a step and nearly fell that told both brothers that Sam would need to be helped out to where the Impala still sat, after it crashed into the barn.

“You…you really did drive through the doors.” Sam had thought he’d heard that but hadn’t been sure considering he knew how protective of the Impala his brother was. Hell, Sam had seen Dean snarl at fingerprints on the car much less driving it through some wooden barn doors. “Why?”

“You were in trouble and needed me.” Dean replied with a shrug, coughing to cover any emotions that answer might bring up. He also made sure not to look at Sam because he knew he’d be seeing wide puppy dog eyes and those never failed to affect him. “I can buff the scratches out of the car. I can’t replace my annoying little brother.” he added while opening the passenger door to help Sam ease into the car. He was careful to keep a hand on his shoulder as he adjusted Sam’s position to one where he was more on his hip than his ass. “Start the car, flip on the heater. I’ll be right there as soon as I head this off.” he gave a tight squeeze to a tensing shoulder before shutting the door and stepping past the car. Out of the barn he shoved a hand into his furious father’s chest. “No.”

Dean’s eyes had looked quickly. He saw the redheaded witch was dead on the ground with what looked like a hole in his chest. Then he noticed the other witch, the coven leader,the one he’d shot, was now outside of the barn and looking a lot different than when he’d put a bullet in his head earlier.

“I guess he was a lot more than just the coven leader.” Dean knew he sounded flip and that that tone would piss off John more, but he was trying to keep the man’s attention on him right that moment. “Clues, Caleb?”

“Uhhh, Jim’s guessing some sort of old style monster possessed the guy a while back and that’s also why the victims were all husks when found.” Caleb was splitting his attention between where Jim Murphy was cleansing the area to where John was a step too close to the barn which he knew would trigger Dean’s temper. “After he…ummm…you know in front of the coven, after he killed them, he’d…fuck the corpse and draw out any energy they still had left to sustain him. Dean? How’s the kid?” he had to ask since it looked like his friend wasn’t going to offer the information.

“Sammy’s fine. He’s tired, he’s still groggy, and he’s bruised up from those assholes but he’s fine. He’s alive so that’s what matters.” Dean answered but kept his eyes locked on his father as he added tightly. “Sam’s alive. No thanks to your stunt.”

John’s jaw clenched. He and Jim had fought the entire way out to the barn. The moment that Caleb had refused to let them enter, had refused to tell him what was happening, the hunter had gotten pissed at his oldest all over again. “What did you do?” he demanded in a low, furious voice while looking over Dean’s shoulder to where the Impala sat running. “How’d you break that spell Dean?”

“How I did it is between Sam and I, not you, or anyone else.” Dean worked to keep his voice pitched low even though he knew Sam could still hear them. There were times he’d sworn his little brother had the ears of a damn fox and this was one fight he wanted Sam kept out of, for the moment. “You let this happen to him. I did what I had to in order to save my brother…Dad.”

“You…” John stared at Dean before looking to the car and back again. He hadn’t thought much on how the spell would be broken. But once he and Jim had arrived, and Caleb had given them a brief run-down of events, he’d been convinced Dean had found another way. Now as he looked between his oldest son and the Impala, where his youngest could be seen shifting as if uneasy or in pain, he felt his temper start to explode only to be shoved back. “You raped your brother!”

Dean knew it was coming. He’d known in his head that the moment John realized the spell had been broken, and that it hadn’t been done by any of the coven, that the accusations would fly. He knew it but it still felt like a bucket of ice water was thrown in his face and a sick rush of guilt rolled over him. In the next instance the shock and guilt were replaced by white hot anger.

He heard Jim snap something at his father, and he even thought he heard Caleb speaking up, but Dean ignored both of them. He knew he’d have guilt but it was something that he would deal with and it would come from Sam, not from the man who had put his brother in that position to begin with.

He started to respond when another voice cut him off. Dean thrust out one arm to keep John from moving past him, while moving his other arm back in a long ago learned instinct. He felt it grasped and held onto with shaking fingers.

“No, he didn’t.” Sam had heard the shouted accusation and had inwardly cringed. He knew Dean might already be thinking that, so to hear it shouted at him from their father had sickened and angered him.

Sam’s body was now coming down from the drugs that had been used, along with the spell, so he was starting to feel the effects of both the initial attack and the sex that had just happened. He was tired, sore and really just wanted to go to a hotel and sleep for about 12 hours before trying to keep his already guilt-heavy brother from sinking too far down over what he would feel was something bad.

Hearing John’s voice shouting at Dean, however, told Sam that it might be awhile before he got that sleep because he had seen the way Dean’s body language was changing as he’d peeked in the side mirror. Sam watched as the initial shock and guilt Dean felt gave way to true and honest anger. He flipped a mental coin to either let Dean vent in his own way or interject, which may or may not make matters worse. But since Sam was tired he went with the latter choice.

“No, he didn’t.” he’d said after he’d managed to get out of the Impala without falling as his legs were really shaky now. Sam gripped the arm that he knew would move back toward him because it was something Dean did if he sensed he might be weak or too shaky to stand. “That spell would’ve killed me if Dean hadn’t done what he did. So while it might not have been what you would’ve wanted him to do or what other people would condone, given the stigma behind it, he saved my life.”

“You were drugged and under some damn spell! Now you’re still in shock so of course you’ll defend your brother!” John yelled and started to shove Dean out of his path in order to grab his younger son. He frowned when Sam pulled back and the hand on his chest strengthened, giving him a harder shove back. A low voice growled at him to watch his step. “No! Sam, get in Jim’s truck! You’re coming with me while your damn brother gets his…”

Sam jerked back when John tried to reach for him. He felt his stomach clench in dread at the order to get in the pastor’s truck. He knew if he was separated from his brother now things would never be right between them again. “No. I’m staying with Dean. He didn’t do anything wrong Dad.”

“He fucked you and you’re coming with me!” John felt Jim’s hand on his shoulder but he shrugged it off with the idea to shove Dean out of the way so he could grab Sam. Before he could do more than move he was on the ground and looking up into furious green eyes. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he demanded furiously.

Dean’s fist had moved even before he knew he was going to punch. He’d heard Sam say he wanted to stay, and then he saw his father move with the intent to grab his backpedaling brother and just reacted. “Don’t touch him.” he said in the tone of voice that many bullies had heard right before they’d bled. “You can hate me for what I did to save him. He can hate me. But considering your part in this I’m not sure which one of us is the worse bastard right now Dad. If Sam wants to stay with me then I’m taking him to get cleaned up and sleep this off. Stay the hell away from us right now, because if there’s any anger or guilt to be thrown it will come from him. Not from you.”

“I’m not letting you take your brother anywhere alone!” John went to shove back to his feet only to be stopped by a grim faced Jim Murphy. “Jim! As far as we know, Dean could be under some damn spell! He could rape Sam again and…”

“He didn’t rape me, Dad!” Sam’s gut churned at that word. He hated it as it brought up darker memories that he didn’t feel like dealing with right then but he also wasn’t going to allow his brother to take blame for something he hadn’t done. “You know there’s no counter-spell to a sex spell like that! You know the only cure for those things is sex so it was sex or death! I’m sorry you’re disappointed but I’d rather be alive!”

“You’re not thinking clearly!” John snapped as he did climb to his feet to glare between his sons. “You don’t understand what…”

“I know what rape is Dad!” Sam’s temper that had been buried under layers of pain and how tired he felt was now surging and only the hand on his arm kept him from moving forward again. “Rape is what your sick-ass ex-Marine buddy tried to do to me two years ago and would’ve if Dean and Caleb hadn’t dealt with it!”

“Ohh crap.” Caleb groaned and was already moving in case he had to stop the bloodbath that he could see coming from that comment. “Yeah, Jim. I know. I owe you an explanation.”

John’s face had paled but then tightened and only Jim blocking him kept him from moving. “What the hell are you talking about?” he demanded tightly.

“Nothing. It’s nothing because like Sam said it was handled.” Dean kept himself between his brother and father while giving his friend a shrug of apology for the hell he’d go through now. As he felt Sam lean on him more he knew what was most important and fighting with John wasn’t it. “You can think and believe of me what you want Dad. I honestly don’t give a shit. What I care about is Sam and getting him someplace not here and not where you are until he settles down. Get back in the car, Sammy.”

Sam realized he’d said too much even as it was coming out of his mouth but he hated how their Dad treated his brother at times and he hated how he was responding to this most of all. He was wary about moving until Jim looked back at them to nod that he should do what Dean said and then slowly moved back to slip inside the Impala.

“Take Sam and head off, Dean.” Jim Murphy said as he briefly met Dean’s eyes to show that he understood what had happened and that he’d take care of the fallout here. “Do you have enough cash to tide you boys over until Caleb and I catch up?” he asked while quickly motioning John to not take a step toward his oldest or the car.

“I can cover it.” Dean didn’t let on that he’d noticed the Holy man’s choice of words. “Jim, I…” he started to say but stopped. “Thanks.”

Dean didn’t bother to look at John again as he got behind the wheel, put the Impala in reverse and backed out of the barn. He'd already handed Sam his leather jacket to put around him while turning the heater up a bit more. Once he’d cleared the barn, he stopped to glance out the window at their father. “Don’t try to follow us or call either of us. When Sam’s ready to see you, to have you bitch at me, then I’ll call.”

“You have no idea what you’ve done or what you’re doing.” John tossed back. “Dean…”

“I know what I’ve done and what I do now will be up to him, not you.” Dean replied and drove off.

“Let the boys go.” Jim said, latching onto his friend’s arm as he started to move. “We have stuff to clean up here. We have to be sure the rest of this coven is wise enough to not pick up where this guy left off. Then Caleb is going to sit down and explain just what it is he knows about that little thing that Sam mentioned. He seems to have neglected to fill in me or Bobby.” he shot the grimacing younger man a look before grabbing hold of John to slam him into the side of the barn.

“John! You let Sam get grabbed! You knew the odds of them putting that spell on him were high. I don’t know what the hell you actually expected to happen but you should’ve known that Dean would do whatever it took to help his brother!” Jim shouted in the ex-Marine’s face. “You lost your say in what those boys do in every way a long time ago. Bobby and I both told you to either be a father or a Marine but if you left it how it looked to be that eventually you might have to accept some hard truths. It looks like now is the time when you better start deciding what you want because if you push too hard on either of those boys now you will lose whatever you think you still have. Caleb! Talk to me or else I’m calling Singer!”

As Jim stormed past John to pin Caleb down while heading into the barn to see if it needed cleansing, John stayed where he was to consider the man’s words as well as what he was thinking and what he feared was coming for his family. “Damn it!”

The inside of the Impala was silent except for the radio that had been clicked on to try to help dispel some of the heaviness that had settled between the brothers once they were away from the old barn and their father.

Dean had already decided he wanted to be as far away from this town, this county or even the damn state if he could drive that far before stopping at a decent motel. He glanced over at Sam who looked to have curled into the passenger side door with his head pillowed on his arms. He’d kept Dean’s leather jacket around him to help battle the shock that was now setting in and the hunter now thought he might have to stop sooner than that.

“Hey, how long do you think you can wait to stop for a real bed?” he finally asked after about 90 minutes of driving.

Dean was actually surprised neither of their phones were ringing or that there hadn’t been headlights from their father’s truck burning the road up after them. He could only guess Pastor Jim managed to keep John there. Now he just had to hope the man gave him the time to see how badly damaged his relationship with his brother really might be.

“Probably another hour or so.” Sam’s voice spoke up finally just when Dean was starting to think his brother might have fallen to sleep. “I…I thought I could wait but…I’m starting to get a little sick to my stomach and the pain’s kicking up. The pain in my head and ribs where they beat me not from what…what we did.”

“What I did.” Dean corrected his fingers tightening on the wheel. “Okay, straight out question. Will you be able to let me look at you back there to check how bad you’re torn up or do you want to go to a…”

“No clinics, no ER.” Sam flat out refused as he tried to shift so he could look to where he could see Dean’s profile in the dark car. “I don’t think I’m hurt bad enough to need one and what would we tell them that wouldn’t get us both locked up? I don’t think they’d buy the whole sex spell story.” he sighed when he heard the sound of the steering wheel creak as it was squeezed. “Dean, I meant what I told Dad. I thought you knew that you had no choice. If you hadn’t done it, by now I’d be a shriveled up husk in some field. I’m not angry. I’m not going to wake up in the morning and freak out on you or hate you. Do…do you regret it?”

Sam bit his lip as he considered that possibility. He knew how much Dean looked up to their Dad and how much he valued his opinion so a small piece of him worried that his brother might start to doubt his choice and maybe might come to hate him for it coming down to that.

“Do I regret saving your life? No, I’d never regret that.” Dean replied and meant it. He would never regret anything he ever did for Sam. He didn’t actually regret what he’d done earlier except for worrying how Sam would take it later on. “Do I regret that your first time had to be with me all over a stupid witch’s curse? Yeah, I do kinda regret that because it’s not something I can give back or…excuse me, what did you just say?”

Dean had been slowing the Impala to take a sharp curve when he was suddenly glad he had or else he might’ve wrecked since he’d nearly jerked the wheel hard in his haste to look next to him. Positive what he’d just heard Sam say had to be his mind playing tricks on him.

“I said I don’t regret it.” Sam repeated what he’d just mumbled and then just threw caution to the wind and decided to say the rest of what he wanted. “I don’t want you to regret it and since I know by the time we get to a motel you’re going to close down and shut me out I’m just going to say this now. If I had a chance to do it again, with you and only you and no drugs or spells involved, then I’d do it in a hot second.” he could hear the way Dean’s breathing had changed and figured he might be walking the next several hundred miles on foot.

The Impala skidded to a halt on the side of the road and the moment the engine went silent Sam knew he’d said way too much this time. He let his chin drop to his chest and began to shift more toward the door again only to freeze when fingers touched his arm.

Sam hadn’t wanted Dean to hate himself or feel guilty but he supposed he should’ve taken more time to find a way to admit those opinions to his stunned brother. Now he wondered if he could talk his way out of the fight he was very certain was about to happen. He opened his mouth to try to offer some apology or excuse only to be silenced by a hand just lightly covering his mouth.

“Before you try to counter any of that or apologize or whatever else might be swirling in that head of yours, answer a couple questions for me.” Dean figured he’d been without decent sleep too long because he was still positive he’d heard wrong. He also considered that Sam was in shock, tired, and confused so he could use those reasons as well for what he thought had just been said. Dean figured he should let it go, get them back on the road and find the nearest motel so they could sleep all of this crap off.

That’s what he should’ve done. He just wasn’t sure why he wasn’t as he felt Sam nod and moved his hand away. “You said you don’t regret what happened and if it could happen again that you’d want it to.” Dean had to have confirmation that he’d heard that surprising comment first. Then he swore that his heart would burst from how fast it was beating when he saw Sam give a careful nod to acknowledge that he’d heard right. “Okay. So…that means you basically said you want to have sex with me…again.”

“Only you and yeah.” Sam nodded. He wished there was light in the Impala so they could see one another but he supposed it might be better off that they couldn’t. “If we could then I would.”

“Huh. Okay.” Dean had to take a second to consider that before looking back. Even in the dark he could almost see the way Sam would be worrying his bottom lip, a nervous habit that he hadn’t quite been able to break his brother of yet.. “Is this a new thing that just suddenly came up or a leftover result from that spell...or something we probably needed to talk about before now?” he asked slowly, easing back as he felt Sam move a little putting his back to the door so he could face Dean in the darkened car.

“Yeah, I guess we maybe should’ve since I’ve kinda been wanting this since I was 15.” Sam was now really glad the car was dark and his brother couldn’t see the flush to his cheeks as he made this admission. “Okay, maybe 14 but I think I shrugged that whole year off as typical teenage hormones and…umm.”

Dean’s hand covered Sam’s mouth again not because he wanted to stop what was turning into a very interesting confession session but because he needed a few seconds to find the ability to breathe and concentrate. “Fuck.” he whispered softly but felt Sam tense and guessed the cause. “Not angry or upset Sammy.” he managed to say to reassure his brother before moving his hand again. “Give me a second to process that you’ve just dropped one hell of a bombshell on me here.”

“I’ve seen you make out with any girl who batted her lashes at you when you were in school. I know you’re not gay and I didn’t want to freak you out by telling you one morning that I really wanted to know what it was like if you kissed me like you did them.” Sam cringed at the choked off cough and had to wonder if maybe that drug wasn’t still making him talk way too much. “Sorry. Well, I’m sorry for dropping this on you right after you had to…y’know…fuck me to save my life and you didn’t want…”

“I never said I didn’t want to, did I?” Dean almost slapped himself for that response. He was half telling himself to keep his damn mouth shut and see where Sam was heading with this admission while the other half didn’t like the way Sam sounded when he said that Dean hadn’t wanted to touch him. “You’re not gay either Sammy.” he decided to point out while trying to work out how to phrase his next question.

“No, or I don’t think I am. You’re the only guy that I think is hot…God, maybe I am still in shock or something.” Sam muttered as he couldn’t believe he’d just admitted that when he blinked at the sound of a low chuckle. “Dean?”

“Since I know you are tired and probably worn out as well as sore, I am going to get us to a hotel soon and we can finish this discussion when you wake up but…answer me this one, little brother.” Dean took a deep breath to settle the nerves that he wasn’t expecting to have. “If I were to say maybe an encore performance isn’t off the table or that I’ve been taking ice cold showers since you were about 15, but definitely since you hit 16 and went from skinny and gawky to goddamn hot in the space of a night, what would you say?” he asked with as steady a voice as he could manage right then, fingers itching to touch Sam’s face but holding back.

Sam was trying to gauge where this was going. He’d expected his brother to be angry or upset with hearing what he’d just admitted. He’d actually expected to be bleeding by now, kicked out of the Impala or at the very least getting screamed at. But then he remembered that Dean’s temper wasn’t as fast to ignite as their father’s, even though it was quick and hot, but this quiet calm was almost as worrisome as a full out fight would be.

Then when he replayed those last words and realized Dean was waiting for him to answer he had to catch his breath, which had become a little sparse. He thought that maybe he wasn’t as lost or screwed as he’d first feared. “Seriously?” he groaned as he heard the question come out of his mouth, kicking himself for suddenly sounding 17 and out of his element.

“Yeah, seriously.” Dean did smile a little more now and let his fingers rub over Sam’s still tense shoulder and slowly felt it relax. “I’d never tell you something and not mean it Sammy. I’ll be honest with you and I want honesty from you when I ask you…if it could happen again with me would you want it to?”

“Yes.” Sam didn’t hesitate and just let the answer that was in his head pop out, without bothering to think of any consequences that might be down the road. “Do you?” he asked quietly while wishing he knew what to say or do. Then he did think of something. “Wait…what about…Dad or…”

Dean had a brief thought to how that might play but he shoved it aside to concentrate on what was in front of him and what he hoped he hadn’t misread. That they both seemed to want this. He’d worry about their father and how to handle his reaction or Sam’s future later.

“I didn’t care about Dad’s reaction before and I don’t now.” he said and wondered when that became true. Then a car drove past and he caught a flash of surprise and then a small shy smile on Sam’s face in the brief time the other headlights lit up the Impala’s interior. “Right now, we’re finding a hotel. We’re going to get cleaned up, let you sleep and then…when you wake up if you still want something from me well, we’ll see where we go from there.”

Sam swallowed the sudden lump as he understood his brother was basically leaving the choice up to him. At least he wasn’t flat out refusing to even have another conversation about possibly crossing a line that in Sam’s mind had already become blurred several years ago.

He wanted to take a chance and reach out to Dean now but didn’t want to push things too fast or do something that would freak his brother out. Then his head suddenly reminded him that he’d had it bashed in pretty good and he tried to bite back a groan of pain. Then he felt warm lips brush over his cheek and Sam was forgetting the pain to try to catch a glimpse of Dean’s face in the dark car. “Dean?”

“Close your eyes and try to sleep a little. I’ll find the best looking hotel in the next decent sized town we come across.” Dean let his lips stay close to Sam’s ear to murmur something that caused his brother to nod before he eased back behind the wheel to get them back on the road.

“You…can use me for a pillow if you want.” he offered in his best casual, nonchalant tone. But then he had to quickly cough to cover the emotions that almost choked him when Sam moved away from the door to curl up closer to him. He used Dean’s shoulder as a pillow like he used to before their father had made a snide comment. “Tell me if you feel sick?”

Sam mumbled a reply but was falling back to sleep now that he felt a little more at ease with how things were between them. As he drifted off with the sounds of the radio playing, the legos rattling in the heater and Dean’s arm sliding around him, he could only hope that once they got to the hotel and he did let his brother check his wounds that Dean wouldn’t freak out and change his mind about him or what might be happening between them.

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sacrificing Innocence**

**Chapter Three**

“Can we afford this place?” Sam Winchester asked while still half asleep. He struggled to wake his brain up, make his stiff and sore body exit the Impala and he felt strong hands grip his shoulders as he stumbled.

Sam wasn’t sure how long he’d slept during the drive. But when he’d been woken to a gentle hand shaking him to say they were there, the 17 year old blearily thought that meant his brother had finally chosen the latest in a line of cheap motels.

Prying his eyes open only to blink at the too bright morning sun, Sam scrubbed at them againblinking, while moving to get out. He saw that the room they were parked in front of was actually a decent size cabin that looked set apart from the others he could see off in the distance.

Sam realized that Dean hadn’t chosen a cheap motel but actually a decent hotel chain that had separate cabins for the guests. He also realized this cost more money than they were used to spending on rooms and began to worry even as his body was reminding him to go slow when he moved.

“Yeah, we’re all good, Sammy.” Dean assured him while making sure his brother was steady before pressing the key to the room into his hand. “Go inside while I grab our duffels and the medical kit.” he told Sam but didn’t move until he saw that Sam had gotten the cabin door open and went inside. Only then did the older Winchester grab their stuff from the trunk and carry it inside.

Dean had passed a lot of cheap motels and hotels that would’ve suited their basic needs but he wanted something a little more, a lot better, so he’d kept on driving until he saw a sign advertising private cabins with full amenities.

Decent motels or places like this cost a lot more cash than the hunters usually had on them but recently Dean had started watching how he spent his cash. He knew he could cover this place for the time needed for Sam to get a little healed from his encounter with that coven of witches. He also had a brand new fake credit card that neither his brother, nor his father, knew about that would cover anything else that might come up.

Right then though, money wasn’t what Dean was worried about. All he cared about was getting Sam cleaned up and into an actual bed so his brother could sleep more. He figured everything else would wait until after that. Or he had figured that until he stepped into the room to see that Sam had already fallen face first on the, larger than normal queen size, bed that was farthest from the door and appeared to have fallen back to sleep.

Dropping the duffels by the door, Dean went back out to grab their large First-Aid kid and a few other items that he’d stopped for along the way. He shut and locked the door and then went about the standard habit of securing the windows before checking out the cabin to see that it indeed had everything they might want or need.

The cabin wasn’t huge but it had a full kitchen, a small table, a sofa, TV and two beds but when Dean stepped into the bathroom his eyes opened wider. “Holy shit.” he muttered as he took in the huge sunk in tub, that looked to be big enough for three people, and it’s fancy shower attachment.

Checking to be sure it looked like Sam was asleep, Dean decided to use this time to shower, shave, and change. After that before he’d have to work on convincing his brother to let him check any wounds he had. This time also gave him a chance to settle his nerves from their unexpected talk in the car. And to give him time to decide how to best handle it.

Learning that Sam might have actually been thinking the same things as him had been had rocked him. Dean knew realistically that had their lives been normal, had he and Sam not basically grown up in a crazy life where they were a little too dependent on one another, that this mutual attraction wouldn’t have happened.

Dean knew despite a few desperate times when he needed fast cash that he never looked at another guy for sex and he doubted if he’d ever stop flirting with hot girls. He also knew the same was true of his brother. However, Sam was still shy around girls, it was difficult for him to open up to anyone, due to the lies they had to tell and secrets they had to keep.

As Dean leaned under the hot water spray he closed his eyes and thought back to what happened in that barn. He got that it was for the purpose of saving Sam’s life but he still had some guilt for not taking more time so at least Sam’s first time would’ve been better. Though the hunter in him knew that time had not been on their side and he decided, that if anything happened again, he would try to change that.

By the time Dean had finished showering and shaving he could hear sounds that told him that Sam was waking up. He pulled on a pair of jeans and a clean t-shirt and went back into the bedroom. He found himself pinned by rapidly blinking wide hazel eyes, as if their owner had woken up too fast and couldn’t place where he was.

“Hey.” Dean said, smiling immediately when Sam’s eyes locked on his and cleared. “The water’s hot and the tub is actually big enough for those long legs of yours if you think you’re awake enough to soak. I’ll see what the owner’s wife has the freezer stocked with.”

Sam had to take a second to remember where they were. But when he moved his head and felt the other sore parts of his body, he remembered the witches, the damn spell and…Dean.

As he glanced around the cabin he noticed Dean’s damp spiky hair and clean clothes which told him that Dean had already tested the hot water out. Sam knew it was silly to be nervous now, considering the things he thought he’d said in the car, but he felt jumpy and unsure. He also still felt worn out, and really did want to get clean, so he pushed aside the nerves for the moment and accepted the offer to clean up. He paused when a hand touched his shoulder as he moved to pass his brother at the bathroom door.

“I plan to check all of those wounds so anything you can’t reach leave, and I’ll get them myself later.” Dean said quietly, but he let their eyes meet long enough that Sam understood the unspoken order to not get dressed once he was done. “Yell if you need anything.”

Sam nodded but then he had to stop and stare. It was rare for them to get a room with both a tub and a shower, much less a tub that looked like this one did. He noticed clean towels had been laid out and felt his lips curve into a slow smile.

For as long as Sam could remember his older brother was always at least a step or two ahead of him. He guessed that Dean had laid these out earlier because Sam also noticed a bar of soap and the bottle of antiseptic had been placed on the edge of the tub. The last item made him shoot a bitch face at the offending bottle.

“Pour the stuff in the water and stop glaring at it.” Dean’s voice shouted from somewhere in the cabin, as if he’d known what Sam had been doing, but then Sam figured his brother probably did.

Sam ran hot water in the large tub and poured a decent amount of the hated antiseptic into the water. Then slowly, and painfully, stripped out of his clothes and sank into the tub with a groan.

The antiseptic burned like hell but Sam had learned as a kid that it was less painful this way than applying it directly. Though he knew Dean would probably still have to use some on a couple of the cuts on his face and chest where the damn coven had cut him.

It took a few minutes before the pain in his ass was tolerable so he could relax back against the sloped tub enough to let his body settle. He saw the bruises that had formed from the earlier attack at the gas station andfrom when he’d tried to struggle at the barn. The cuts on his chest had stopped bleeding long ago so he wasn’t worried about those needing stitches unless they tore back open when he cleaned them.

“Don’t rub those cuts too hard either.” Dean called out. His voice was muffled, as if his head was stuffed in a cabinet. Sam still looked around to see if his brother had somehow rigged the bathroom so he could check on him.

Sam smirked at the sound of a microwave kicking on so he guessed Dean had found something to heat up. The sudden smell of food also reminded him that he hadn’t eaten in a long time. While he would’ve liked to have just stayed in the hot water and soak he washed off, being careful of his chest. As he ran the cloth over his ass he started to stand, only to go still at the knock on the door.

“Don’t get used to this kind of service but I figured you could use the soaking time. Munch on this stuff while the soup I found thaws and heats up.” Dean stepped into the bathroom with a tray of sandwiches, fruit and a bottle of Gatorade. “You okay?” he asked while placing the tray where it would stay dry and Sam could reach it.

Dean worked hard to keep his eyes on Sam’s still shadowed and tired looking ones. He didn’t look anywhere else since he said he was going to give his brother time to get over this before they talked again.

“Yeah, just sore.” Sam took a small bite of a sandwich and then forced himself to eat slow so he didn’t make himself sick. “I’ll be out as soon as I wash my hair.”

“No hurry. Take your time.” Dean let his hand rest on the shoulder closest to him until he felt some of the tension melt away. “Sammy?” he waited until wary hazel eyes lifted to meet his. “I meant everything I said last night. Just in case you might be thinking I didn’t or that I’d changed my mind.”

Dean paused at the door to glance back. “Eat some more of that and let that antiseptic in the water do its job. I’ll clean and dress the ones that need it when you get out.” He left the door open just enough so he could hear if Sam called for him. He gave his brother the privacy that he’d craved since he was 14.

Deciding that lurking around the bathroom door was a little too creepy, even for him, Dean checked the soup he had in a pot on the stove. It was thawing slowly which would give him time to check Sam’s wounds and maybe talk a little before they ate.

He pulled the stuff out of the First-Aid kit that he thought he’d need. As well as laying out pain pills, water and clean clothes when he finally heard the water draining. He could count in his head the time it would take his brother to rinse out the tub, dry his hair some and wrap a towel around his waist.

Dean wasn’t stupid. He knew that most of Sam’s courage last night had come from emotion and exhaustion. He figured his little brother was probably nervous, or even scared, that Dean was going to turn everything around or mock him. Like Dean had done other times and he knew those had been mistakes.

Rubbing his suddenly sweaty hands on his jeans he silently told himself that he was just looking at Sam’s injuries to be sure none of them got infected. He stood up, and was just turning, as Sam came out of the bathroom and felt his breath catch.

Ever since Sam had hit that growth spurt and grew into his arms and legs, it seemed like every morning when he walked out of the shower Dean’s eyes would go to his chest. They did now too. It never failed to make Dean wonder where the hell his scrawny little brother had gone. This time his gaze was also caught by the still livid cuts that had been given by the coven leader and Dean had to bite down on the harsh string of curses that wanted to come out of his mouth. He could also see that the bruises were now even worse looking than they had been the night before.

“Just one of these bled a little when I was toweling off so I don’t think they need stitches.” Sam said softly as he stood. He was frozen by intense green eyes that were now moving to take in the deep finger shaped bruises on his upper arms and thighs. Where they’d held him down until the spell and drugs took effect. “Dean?”

“Are any of those bruises from me?” Dean didn’t think he’d held Sam down or gripped him hard enough to leave bruises but he needed to hear it from Sam to be sure. “Sammy? Tell me if I left one damn mark on you.”

The deeper tone and plain worry, as well as just the slightest sound of guilt, that perhaps Dean had hurt him, took Sam off guard. He had to take a second before he shook his head and glanced at his arms. “No, no, these are from them. You didn’t hurt me Dean.” he told his concerned sibling, bare foot moving nervously on the smooth wood of the polished floor. “Yeah, I’m sore but it’s not like we had the time for you to do more than you had.”

“I wish we would’ve had.” Dean muttered but finally made himself accept that if he had taken more time the results might have been even worse on Sam. “How sore are you?” he had to ask while nodding to the open First-Aid kit. “Will you let me look?”

Sam’s face went red at the question because he knew what Dean was asking. He also knew why his brother was worried about the tender flesh tearing, as they hadn’t been able to prep him and the only lube Dean could’ve used had been spit.

“I…I don’t think I’m hurt that bad. I think that spell might’ve done something to help and you went as slow as you could’ve, unlike what they would’ve done.” Sam murmured but knew he probably should still let Dean look to be sure. “Umm, how do you want to do this?” he blinked when fingertips touched his chest. “Dean? What’re you…”

“You asked me a couple months back why I go out and play pool, drink and fuck any waitress that looks at me lately.” Dean kept his touch light as he checked the cuts to see that they were shallow ones and would only need kept cleaned. He also used the action to be able to touch Sam without making either of them more nervous. “Do you want the answer to that now?”

“Uhh…yeah?” Sam wasn’t sure what that had to do with anything but if it meant Dean would keep doing what he was doing then he’d go with it. Though he was praying that his body didn’t betray him like he feared it might when he felt his cock stirring under the towel. “You said it was because we needed the money from hustling pool. And that you needed to drink to stay sane from all the fighting me and Dad were doing and…well…I knew the reason for the sex so…whoa…”

Sam had to wonder if the cabin had suddenly gotten hot or if it was just him. Dean’s dark green eyes were now watching him intently, as they lifted to stare into his with a sinfully sexy smirk that was just a little different than Sam was used to seeing on Dean when he flirted.

“Yeah, those first two aren’t too far from the truth. But every time I had to get between you and Dad, days where we sparred or any day that I intentionally let myself get close enough to touch you I needed to go out to drink or play pool. Anything to keep me from doing what I’ve been wanting to do since you hit 16.” Dean wasn’t sure where his plan to keep this light and easy had gone. It seemed like the moment Sam stepped from the bathroom with just a towel around his waist that plan had begun to go south along with all the blood in Dean’s body.

“W-what was that?” Sam swore he would not stutter like some damn kid faced with his first hot crush. But when his brother took another step forward, a step that brought them closer, he knew he wasn’t going to be able to keep up that façade for much longer.

He’d spent two years and some odd months dreaming of Dean looking at him like he’d seen him look at the girls in school or the cheaply dressed waitresses in the diners and bars. Now that he actually was, Sam was half afraid he’d do something stupid to mess up or embarrass them both.

“There were some mornings when I would’ve bet money you came out of the shower in only a towel just to see what I’d do or say.” Dean murmured as he slid a finger up the center of his brother’s chest and could feel the beat of his heart. “I went out on those nights to avoid tossing you on the bed or showing you what the backseat of the Impala could be used for. Tell me the truth, baby brother…did you used to come out in a towel just to see how far you could push me or did you just forget to take clothes into the bathroom every morning?”

“Did you used to leave the bathroom door open enough so that while you shaved I could look in on purpose? Or did you become claustrophobic recently?” Sam countered, unwilling to admit that he had actually done that a lot of times on purpose. He knew the answer to his question when his brother’s lips curved up more. “I meant what I said I was probably 14 and a half when I finally realized I was watching you a lot more…and I’d really wanted to punch a few girls in school for what they’d said about you being a good kisser and…I’m talking too much.”

“Yeah, you are. But so far you’re not saying anything that I think needs to be stopped so feel free to tell me…wait, were you jealous of what a few High School girls said?” Dean found that highly amusing until he saw the way Sam’s face had changed and realized that playing and intentionally hurting his brother by his past actions were two very different things to Dean. “Sammy, a lot of what those girls said happened never did. I mean, sure I got caught in the hall closet a few too many times but anyone who said it was more than that, were just boosting their own reps and…not doing too much damage to my own. Hell, a few of them I barely even kissed.”

Sam stared into Dean’s eyes to try to gauge the truthfulness of that until he realized, in his distraction, that Dean had moved close enough so there wasn’t any space between them. Sam felt his cock getting harder but was hoping his brother hadn’t noticed yet. “Why…why didn’t you say anything earlier or…you know…do something?”

“Probably for the same reason I was still talking myself out of doing something when this thing with the spell hit.” Dean let his hand go flat over Sam’s heart so he could feel it beating faster while watching the way Sam’s eyes began to show more colors. “The whole issue of we’re brothers crosses so many more lines than I thought you’d want or that we should. I’ve now decided we crossed those lines even without knowing it a long time ago and…if I’m going to have to let you go when you go to school then at least I’ll be honest with you now.”

“Umm, you’re usually in whatever town I go to school in Dean.” Sam saw fit to point out. He was totally unaware that his fingers had suddenly moved to grip the denim of Dean’s blue jeans rather than what he almost reached for. He gasped when his brother leaned up so Dean’s lips were close to his ear, shivering at the feel of hot breath ghosting over his skin.

“I know you’re getting college letters smart ass.” Dean murmured softly before having to pull back in order to slow down what was happening. He still had to check Sam for injuries caused by last night’s encounter. “I know you’re going to leave Sam.”

Sam had been almost totally under the spell of deep, glittering green eyes and the low sexy tone of voice that was pure sex and honey to his 17 year old ears. Then those words penetrated and he jerked back a little to see that while Dean’s smile was still there it had taken on a slightly sadder edge and he felt his throat close up.

“Dean, I was going to…I’m not sure if I’m going to be accepted to any of those or if I am, I might not go or…” he said in a rush of panicked words and then he found himself suddenly sitting beside his brother on the bottom of the bed.

“You have worked so damn hard for those grades, for that GPA, so you could get the hell out of this life and go find a slice of normal.” Dean suddenly knew it would be easier to admit to wanting to suck Sam off than what he was about to. But he’d already decided what he had to do and he’d see it done regardless. “You’re the smart one Sammy. You’ll get accepted to those schools and whichever one you choose to go to will be lucky to have you.” he reached a hand up to lightly brush the back of his knuckles over the deepest bruise on Sam’s cheek. “You will go to college. I will find the courage to let you go but in the meantime…”

“Kiss me?” Sam once again had no idea where those words came from. One second he was trying to find the words to tell Dean he could come with him when he heard his own voice ask Dean to kiss him. He wasn’t even sure they were close to that yet, in whatever the hell was happening. “If…you want to…or we can wait for…ummm…is it hot in here? I’m hot or maybe it’s the room or…”

The request had caught Dean off guard but then Sam had begun to panic and something about soothing his worried little brother calmed any unease that Dean might have had.

“You’re hot in general, baby boy.” he teased. He was rewarded with huge hazel eyes, flecked with more golds and blues than usual, looking at him as he saw a faint tinge of pink bloom. “Is that what you want me to do Sammy?” Dean asked as he caught Sam’s jaw as it went to lower, as if embarrassed he’d said the wrong thing. “Do you want me to kiss you?”

Sam actually had a list of things he wanted his brother to do but figured that this wasn’t the time to admit that yet. He managed to nod and tried to remember to pay more attention this time. Last time he was too busy fighting the effects of the spell to do that, much less kiss back.

Dean sat still to watch Sam’s face and he could tell he was running through a mental checklist of things to either do or not do. It amused him to watch this but it also bothered him that Sam would think something so simple needed so much brainpower.

Letting his fingers move down from his brother’s cheek, Dean gently curved them around the back of Sam’s neck as he thought of the kiss back at the barn. It had been one of need, desperation and distraction. Certainly not the kind that Sam deserved to be given now.

A piece of Dean wondered what this was, what was going on with him as normally he didn’t bother to think about the kind of kiss he was giving. He’d usually just kiss the girl and move on from there. It was while he was giving a careful tug, to move Sam towards him, that he found darkening eyes holding him and it hit the older Winchester what the difference was. This wasn’t some random girl he’d picked up at a bar or back in school. This was Sam, so it automatically mattered more.

“Relax a little for me.” he murmured softly. When he felt how rigid Sam was sitting he reminded himself that this time was different, there was no sex spell between them. This time he wanted to give his brother everything he couldn’t the first time. “I’m not going to hurt you Sammy. I promise anything we do right now will be different than it was back there?”

“How? I thought sex and kissing were all the same whenever it’s done.” Sam only had a second to consider that maybe that might not be the case when he found himself being kissed. Kissed in a way that took his breath away.

The kiss back at the barn hadn’t been rough or painful but it wasn’t soft and slow either. Sam had been kissed before but most of the girls that he’d kissed had been as shy as he was. Or they’d been a little too forward and had taken things to a level that the teenager hadn’t been ready for yet.

He’d spent a lot of years sneaking glimpses of his brother when he’d kiss some girl, so he had a fair idea as to how Dean liked to kiss. He knew when he felt his brother’s fingers on his neck to lean toward him. Sam did and he thought the kiss would be like before but while that one had stunned him, this kiss literally left him shaken.

“I have so neglected your education in all things related to sex little brother.” Dean murmured against soft plush lips as he struggled with himself not to tease or bite. He made sure that this kiss was slow, without heat or passion, but with a love that Dean knew he might never be able to express with words. “There are all sorts of ways to kiss and make love Sam. We’ll work our way up that list slowly, but right this second? Right this second, just relax, stop overthinking and you can kiss me back.” he smiled this time before he caught his brother’s surprised gasp in a slightly deeper kiss.

Sam had to realign his thoughts before he did slowly, shyly kiss back. He felt strong fingers gently cup the side of his face. He leaned forward and, after a couple more seconds of gentle, teasing kisses, he did relax a little more.

This time Sam was able to focus more on his brother, on what was happening between them. He heard the low voice offering whispered encouragements in between soft kisses. Kisses that were actually a lot hotter than Sam thought they’d be.

“There can be plenty of heat, plenty of desire to make things interesting but it also causes things to go faster.” Dean murmured against Sam’s lips as he let the tip of his tongue slip out to lick over well kissed lips. He traced over them while letting his fingers stroke the back of his brother’s neck. Then he felt Sam’s lips part on a soft sigh. “I won’t promise to always go slow, or be this gentle, but this time, this time I want to give you what I couldn’t back there…if you decide to let this go that far.” he said quietly. Pulling back he could see that most of Sam’s eyes were now all pupil and that his breath was coming in shallow little gasps that Dean could feel on his face. “Your choice, little brother.”

“Again with the choices.” Sam muttered and dug his fingers into the towel that was tenting now as his erection chose to make its reaction to simple kisses known. “There’s never a choice if you ask me if I want you to kiss me, or touch me, Dean. I…God, that feels good…I want you to fu..” he’d moved his head back to allow Dean’s mouth to skim down the long line of his throat. Sam was pretty sure he was going to come just from the feel of warm lips and teeth grazing over his skin.

Dean had a brief thought that they were so far off his original plan. Then he paused to lift his head so he could correct Sam on the one thing that he’d let slide before due to circumstances. “You’ve probably heard a few of the more colorful terms for sex, either from me or guys in school but I need you to understand something Sam.” he caught a handful of still damp hair to give Sam’s head a tug back and wondered if his little brother knew how much he was giving away by each sound he made.

“What you and I do? Whatever happens between us from this moment on, the term ‘fucking’ will never be used.” he saw the confusion looking back at him and gave a slow smile as he kissed the side of Sam’s mouth. He let the fingers of his other hand feather over Sam’s chest and was not disappointed by the low sounds he heard from that touch. “I’ll make love with you, to you, but I will never just fuck you Sammy. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Sam managed to say, barely finding the focus to talk, as he mainly wanted to focus on what Dean was doing.

“No, you don’t really but we’ll get there.” Dean laughed in a way that made Sam even happier than what they were doing because it was rare for his brother to laugh freely like he was now. “Maybe this will help you. But if you ever repeat anything I say to you, I will hurt you later on…I love you.”

In his 17 years, Sam could probably count on one hand the times where he’d heard his anti-emotion, no chick flick moments older brother utter those words. To hear them said right now when Dean was looking straight at him told Sam that Dean was taking this seriously and that it meant something more to his brother than Sam thought it might.

“Can I say that back?” he asked before he did since he didn’t want to ruin this moment.

Dean knew Sam was asking that because in their family those three words weren’t said a lot, and a small side of Dean knew that that had been a mistake. He’d grown up being taught to shield his emotions, to bury them and he had become a master at it. While Sam wasn’t always so good at hiding them and often wore his heart on his sleeve.

“Yeah, you can say that back to me,” he nodded while letting Sam’s hesitant fingers trail over the t-shirt he was wearing. “What else do you want, Sammy?”

“You to lose this damn shirt to start with. But then I’m not sure what to say or…damn.” Sam’s fingers had traced the lean muscles that he could feel under the black t-shirt but when the shirt was peeled off he thought he might’ve swallowed his tongue.

He’d spent the last few years sneaking looks of Dean in the shower or when he’d exit the shower. So Sam knew that while Dean was lean and athletic, he also had muscles that very few people even considered, his brother didn’t go out of his way to show it.

Now that he’d been given permission to touch, the 17 year old wasn’t sure what the hell he was supposed to be doing. He relaxed his hand when he felt Dean take it to press it against his chest.

“Just touch me Sam.” Dean sat as still as possible to watch his brother’s face. Sam slowly began to trace the same pattern on his chest that he’d seen Dean do with him. It got harder when his little brother began to get a little more curious to keep his mind off of what he wanted to do. So he dropped his eyes, only to discover that wasn’t a good idea either, as he noticed how the towel Sam still had on was tented. This reminded Dean that his own jeans were slowly becoming tighter. “Now I know why you get all A’s in school,” he muttered. “You are a very fast learner baby boy.”

The nickname was rare and one, like ‘Sammy’, that Sam would only allow with his brother. He realized that Dean had only used this one lately and found that he actually liked it. In fact, he shivered when Dean’s lips touched his ear and whispered it with some soft encouraging words that soon had Sam moaning Dean’s name.

“Can we…” he paused to just absorb the feel of Dean’s hands running over him and swore he was going to come untouched before they actually did anything. “Can we make love…now?” Sam asked and knew he’d probably blush always when he asked his brother anything like that.

Dean was also a master of talking dirty as Sam had learned a few years ago while watching his brother in school. But so far Dean was keeping his comments clean, except for teasing Sam to the point where just the low, husky sound of his voice was making Sam hard.

That reminded Dean that he hadn’t actually looked at Sam for injuries caused from breaking that damn sex spell. But a look into Sam’s huge dark eyes, glassy with need and a wariness, reminded Dean that he had to go slower than he had before. Or slower than either of them might want him to.

“If anything I do to prep you hurts too much I want you to tell me,” he said in answer to the question. Before Sam could move he pulled him against his chest to kiss him again. This time letting just a bit of heat enter the kiss. He loved the way Sam had already learned how to kiss him back with more confidence but still seemed a little shy with letting his mouth open unless encouraged by Dean’s tongue.

“You don’t have to…y’know, I learned that face from you, right?” Sam had started to say his brother didn’t have to take too much time only to shut up when he was shot a look he knew he was fond of giving Dean.

“Yeah, and it’s the second look I regret teaching you.” Dean shot back. Using the hand he’d slipped back up to cup the back of Sam’s neck he slowly laid Sam back on the bed. “The second thing you need to understand is that when we make love I will always take as much time as I can to prep you so that you’re not hurt like I hope you weren’t last night.” he grazed his teeth along Sam’s jaw and back to his ear. “If you are hurt then I’ll show you another way we can do this.”

“Dude, I’m not some girl.” Sam huffed but shut up again when hot green eyes pinned him. Dean looked at him and Sam could see an inner battle going on inside his brother. He swore it felt like his whole body melted into the bed when Dean leaned down to whisper in his ear.

“No, you’re not a girl. You’re just mine and I swear to always take care of what is mine.” Dean murmured and meant it in ways that he hadn’t realized he ever could.

Other than the Impala, the only other thing in Dean’s life that meant anything to him was Sam. He’d basically raised, protected, and taken care of his brother for as long as he could remember. So while he knew that what they were doing now was going to cross that last line he honestly wasn’t sure he even cared anymore. So long as Sam was happy then he’d handle any fallout that came when he had to.

Right then all Dean was concerned with was managing to get them both past the prepping without either of them climaxing. Though he’d give Sam a pass if he did since he could vividly recall being 17 and horny nearly all the time.

They shared light kisses that soon turned hotter until the front of the towel Sam still wore was damp from where his cock was dripping. By the time Sam realized the towel had vanished he was totally engaged in trying to copy the slow pattern Dean was tracing over his chest on his brother. “Dean…gonna…I don’t want to come this soon but…”

Dean’s fingers moved down to lightly squeeze the base of Sam’s cock while pulling his other hand back to allow his younger brother’s body to settle some before nudging his hip. “Roll over and lean against the headboard for me.” he instructed and chuckled as Sam moved eagerly to follow those orders.

While Sam was rolling to his knees, Dean stood up to undo the snap and zipper on his jeans, for a little more comfort, before digging in the bottom of his duffel for a bottle he knew should be there. Glancing back it still took his breath to see the long lean body of his younger brother as it leaned against the headboard waiting. Impatiently, if Dean read the tapping fingers as any indication.

“Relax Sammy.” he urged. He’d found the bottle of lube and gone back to kneel behind his brother and he’d felt the tension for just a second. “Do you want to face me again?” he asked while letting his lips move over broad shoulders until he felt Sam relax again. “If you change your mind, tell me?”

“Yeah, I will and…I’m fine.” Sam glanced back to see that his brother still had his jeans on and frowned. “Doesn’t this work better if we’re both naked?” he asked. Only to groan when hot lips locked over the knob of bone at the top of his spine and sucked on it until Sam felt like squirming. “Or not.”

Dean grinned and continued to kiss and touch Sam before leaning over his shoulder to wink at him. “Yeah, but if the jeans come off I can’t promise to do this right, so try to be a bit more patient for both of us.” he urged and hoped he could be patient enough. He poured some lube over the crease of Sam’s ass after holding it in his hand long enough to be sure it was warm. “I promise to make this is good for you.”

“I’m with you. I know it’ll be good.” Sam said. He was glad he’d buried his face against his arms because he could feel his face heating from what sounded really corny once he heard himself say it. “God, I’m sorry. I need to shut up.”

“You wouldn’t be you if you weren’t saying stuff off the top of your head Sammy.” Dean was also glad Sam hadn’t seen the rush of raw emotion those words had actually brought out in him. He kept his touch light while letting the tip of his lubed finger brush over Sam’s ass before slowly letting it find the rim. He began a slow circling motion until he felt Sam relax enough to ease in past the rim and immediately bit his lip. “Fuck.” he groaned at the first feel of tight heat clamping down on his fingertip. “You really are so damn tight. Tell me if this hurts.”

It worried Dean that this might be too soon given that he hadn’t been able to stretch Sam the night before and only had spit to act as lube. So as he slowly began to work his index finger up inside he was careful to check for anything that had scabbed over or if Sam tensed more than he thought might be normal.

By the time he’d worked up to two fingers, Dean was certain he wasn’t going to last. The feel of Sam’s body closing around his fingers as he worked past each ring of muscle, the low moans and interesting words his little brother was saying in between kisses were killing him.

“Dean, please…need to feel you!” Sam gasped as he fought the need to thrust back onto those fingers. To try to get them up inside him more while also fighting the need to rub his now fully hard, aching, dripping cock on the headboard.

Dean paused again to give them both time to settle. It was harder now, since while Sam’s experience was next to none, his little brother had a vocabulary on him that made the hunter wonder just what the hell Sam had been picking up and from whom.

“Shhh, I’m going to give you what we both need Sammy. Just give me a few more minutes to be sure you can take me,” he urged while letting his chest press against Sam’s back. Trailing kisses and light bites over his shoulder and neck ~~to~~ was used as a distraction for them both as he began to work three fingers up. This time letting them hit his brother’s prostate and feeling Sam jerk and shout in surprise. “So damn responsive baby boy.”

Sam was half tempted to say something in response to that but chose not to in favor of turning his head enough to meet a heated kiss. This time he was the one that let his tongue slip out to play with Dean’s. He felt his brother hum lowly in pleasant response to that.

“If I say I’ll suck you off sometime before we leave this cabin, will you please put your dick in my ass sometime before I explode?” he did ask, tone strained from trying to hold off coming. “Please?”

“If I thought you knew how to suck anyone off I’d be grilling you for answers on just what the hell you’re doing in school or who the hell taught you that. But since I know that’s your, not so thinly veiled, way to beg me to hurry up without trying to seem too bossy I’ll let it slide.” Dean sucked slowly along Sam’s collarbone while giving one more brush over his prostate with his fingers before slipping them out and sliding off the bed. “It’s still not too late to back out if you…yeah, now there’s the bitch face I know so well.”

Dean had slid off the bed and quickly skimmed his jeans and boxer briefs down his legs to see Sam look and let his brother have that time. “Okay?” he asked with a slow teasing smile. “Like what you see?”

“Okay, so don’t glare at me or say anything smart back but…fine, its official. I see why all those girls were always flocking around you, still do in bars and when you’d pick me up from school.” Sam had glanced over because last time Dean had left his jeans on so this time he wanted to look. The moment he did made his eyes blink because while he knew that his older brother was built, he’d seen him plenty of times coming out of the shower, this time felt different and something about it made him want to be honest. “You really are so damn hot.”

Dean nearly stumbled as he went to kneel back on the bed, hand reaching for the lube when he heard this. His eyes snapped up and he hoped he’d covered his look of surprise before Sam could mistake it for anger. It wasn’t unusual for girls, or even guys, to look at him or come on to him but Dean wasn’t used to someone actually saying those words to him with the depth of emotion that Sam had just used.

“So are you little brother.” he finally managed to say and knelt on the bed to reach over to cup Sam’s face, kissing him deeply. “Love you.” he whispered against his lips. “Ready to do this?”

“Yes!” Sam was more than ready but he wouldn’t deny that he was also very nervous. He knew there’d still be some pain but he also knew that Dean wouldn’t actually hurt him so he took a couple deep breaths and nodded. “What do I do?”

“Stay still for me.” Dean replied as he used more lube on his leaking cock to ensure as smooth an entry as possible. “Until your body adjusts to this kind of thing, there might be more pain than I’d like, but I’ll go slow. And if it’s ever too much then you speak up.”

Sam nodded. He remembered the burning pain he’d felt the other time and felt it again as the mushroom head of Dean’s cock stretched his rim a little more but this time it didn’t seem to last as long.

Dean’s arms had stretched out on either side of him to support himself on the headboard and Sam could see the way the muscles in his brother’s arms were straining. He was clearly fighting against the need to move faster.

“Don’t move Sammy.” Dean’s voice was deeper, gravelly as he worked to control his body’s need to thrust into Sam’s still tight ass and claim what he now viewed as his. “Just…fuck, you are still too tight for this, just stay still a second.”

“Dean, I’m…okay.” Sam felt the burning pain as his inner muscles stretched around Dean but soon he felt something relax and slowly the pain was replaced by something else. Something more intense. Something that had Sam moaning with need. “Please? Move again?”

Dean closed his eyes for another moment before giving his hips a gentle roll taking him in another inch or so. This time he felt the change, even as Sam gasped when pleasure began to take control.

Dean longed to see his brother’s face again as he came but knew it was often easier like this. A few more thrusts took him flush and put his cock right up against Sam’s prostate. It seemed like his little brother’s long arms were reaching back to try to catch a hold of any piece of him Sam’s fingers could reach.

“And that’s another reason I keep my hair short, bitch.” he teased with a husky laugh that went deep and full as Sam shot back the response Dean expected. He put all his weight on one arm so he could use his other to catch a handful of Sam’s longer hair to tug his head back toward him. Seeing nothing but a thin ring of hazel left as Sam looked at him.

“Love you Sammy.” Dean said before catching Sam’s mouth in a blistering hot kiss. He let the passion and the feeling Sam’s body meeting each thrust carry them. Soon there were no sounds in the cabin but soft grunts, low moans and the sound of flesh meeting flesh.

By the time the kiss broke, Sam was lost in a depth of feeling as each thrust Dean made that hit that spot in him. He could feel how heavy and tight his balls were becoming and knew he couldn’t last much longer. He didn’t want to come too soon. He felt a strong arm slip around his chest and pull him back. He felt that steady pressure as fingers wrapped around his cock to stroke it from base to tip and he felt himself come.

“Dean!” he shouted as he felt the climax hit him even harder than the one that had been spell induced. Sam saw white stripes of come hit his stomach. He felt Dean’s hand as his brother kept moving his fingers. Then he heard a low moan from behind a second before he felt Dean jerk and then warmth filling him.

Feeling Dean’s orgasm take him over right after Sam’s own made it seem even hotter to Sam as he tried to keep his body moving. He was finding it harder to concentrate as he felt the rush wearing off. “De’n…I…”

Dean hadn’t been expecting his orgasm to hit him so soon after he watched Sam’s take him over. He’d been focusing on watching as much of his brother’s face as he could see and milking his cock to help Sam get as much out of the climax as was possible. Then he felt his climax rocket through him even before he could say anything.

Keeping his arm tight around Sam’s chest, he managed to work his hips in gentler thrusts to still give Sam pleasure. When he heard the small whimper of pain he knew to pull his fingers away from his brother’s now too sensitive cock and he pressed a kiss to the side of his face. “Sammy.” he whispered.

Dean heard his name but the dropped letter warned him to adjust his grip even as he saw a flash of white a second before Sam went limp. “Shit! Sam!” he shifted his arm and took both of their weight on his now burning thighs. He was glad that, while Sam had the height, he was still lanky. Or else Dean feared he’d have gone backwards and that would’ve been a little embarrassing.

Moving slowly, Dean supported Sam until he got them moved enough that he could lay his brother down. He slipped out with a soft murmur to reassure his sexed out brother that he wasn’t leaving him but just grabbing something to clean them up with.

Dean grabbed a warm cloth from the kitchen, jerked the now boiled to nothing soup off the burner with a curse, and got them both wiped down. Sam was starting to come back around enough that long arms reminded Dean of when his brother had been little and squirmy. He had a hell of a time getting Sam into a pair of sleep pants and over onto his bed when all his brother wanted to do was snuggle.

“I do not snuggle,” the hunter kept muttering but finally gave up once he got them both settled on Sam’s bed. His warm, sleepy and blissed out from sex little brother turned to curl into his arms much like he would when they were kids and sharing a bed. “Fine, but only for and with him will I do this.”

By the time Sam’s brain kicked back online he could tell he wasn’t alone which made him happy as he was a little afraid he’d wake up alone. He felt one of Dean’s arms wrapped around him while the other was tracing light and familiar sigils along Sam’s bare arm. Dean was humming some song lowly that Sam thought he could recall from his childhood. Dean must have sensed he was waking up and the finger stilled.

“You waking up for me or should I worry?” Dean asked in a light tone. There was something there that told Sam that he’d been knocked on his ass long enough that his brother had started to worry about him.

Prying open an eye, Sam looked up only to smile when he was met with a warm soft kiss. “Hmm, I promise to stop passing out after sex.” he murmured but had to admit he liked seeing how relaxed Dean looked. He looked his age instead of the extra years that hunting sometimes put on him.

“So long as I know it’s because the sex was so hot it knocked you out and not because something’s wrong then it’s fine.” Dean had worried until he’d noticed the little smile on Sam’s face as he slept. “We have the cabin for a few more days so we’ll see about testing that theory out.”

The thought that they didn’t have to get back on the road made Sam even happier since it was rare that Dean was willing to just stay somewhere to rest. He was about to say something when another thought hit Sam and he started to tense.

“I’ll handle Dad, Sam.” Dean had felt the sudden burst of tension and the way his brother’s face had paled he’d guessed what he was thinking about. It was something that Dean had been brooding on since he settled on the bed to hold his brother.

Dean knew the first confrontation back with their father would not be a pretty one. He also knew it wouldn’t take much to have Sam and John getting into a fight that would forever destroy what family was left so he’d been thinking of a way to keep John from losing it in front of his brother. He thought he’d come up with a plan…if only he could make it work for the next 11 months.

“He was angry before, Dean. Dad’ll never accept this. I don’t want him to hate you.” Sam traced a faint scar on Dean’s chest from years earlier while biting his lip. “He already hates me for not wanting to hunt but…huh?”

A finger touched his lip and Sam looked up into soft green eyes as Dean ran the pad of his thumb over his jaw. “I said I’ll handle Dad and I will Sammy.” Dean murmured with a smile and a playful wink. “I grew up talking my way out of trouble with him. I’ve got this. Just go to sleep for now. We have time to talk…and play.”

“Love you, Dean.” Sam mumbled as his still heavy eyes did finally drift closed. Feeling safe and content like he always had when sleeping near his brother. He rested his head on Dean’s shoulder while his hand touched Dean’s as he drifted off fully.

“Yeah, I love you back Sammy.” Dean said softly, swallowing the lump in his throat. He stayed still to watch Sam sleep until he was certain he was under enough that he could move a little without waking his brother.

Dean had pulled on a pair of sleep shorts earlier so now he dug into his jeans for his phone. He stepped into the bathroom so he wasn’t that far away from Sam, in case his brother did wake up, in the short time it would take him to make this call.

He hesitated briefly before punching in a number that he wasn’t even certain would answer. Dean had shut off the phone’s tracking function so the man on the other end couldn’t track it. He’d face their father but it would be on Dean’s terms for once.

“Hey.” he said once the call was picked up. “Before you bitch, listen for once because it’ll be your only chance. You don’t have to approve of anything we’ve done. You don’t have to like it or me but Sam’s 18 in 11 months Dad. I’m willing to make you a single offer if you keep your damn opinions to yourself and if or when we come back to hunt with you that you keep up your end then I’ll keep mine.”

Dean glanced back to see that Sam had flopped to his stomach like he used to do as a kid. One arm was curled under the pillow while his other was just starting to move, as if searching for his brother, so Dean knew he didn’t have much time. To do what he needed to, if he planned to give his brother the life he deserved.

“You want soldiers? You want hunters in your little war against whatever killed Mom? Fine, you do what I want and I’ll give you that…in 11 months and 14 days but not one damn second sooner because he’s mine until then. And I swear on Mom’s memory that if you put your hand on my brother that all bets are off and you’ll lose both of us.” he closed his eyes as he held his breath at the ragged breathing on the other end. He heard a muttered acknowledgement and just had to hope this plan worked like he wanted it to for both of their sakes.

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this final chapter is short, here it is as well. :) See note at end too.

**Sacrificing Innocence**

**Chapter Four**

** 11 Months and 22 Days Later. Somewhere on the road: **

“If you walk out that damn door, then don’t you ever think of walking back in it!”

Sam Winchester froze with his hand on the door to the motel room where life as he knew it had just taken a very drastic and very final turn.

Sam had known the moment his father learned of his acceptance to Stanford that all hell would break loose. He knew that it wouldn’t matter to John that his youngest son had been accepted with a full ride, that his father wouldn’t be proud or happy for him. No, Sam knew his father would be furious, because Sam wanted something more than hunting. Something more than moving from motel to motel, from hunt to hunt. He’d been hoping for more but was trying to not be angry or hurt when the ultimatum was tossed out at him.

If he were honest with himself Sam had been shocked that their father had even let them come back to hunt, infrequently, with him after what had happened between him and Dean.

He’d been nervous that whole time despite Dean telling him that he’d talked with their father. And that while John still wasn’t happy or pleased he’d agreed to let the matter drop…so long as they didn’t do anything in front of him.

A piece of Sam, the piece that knew how his father thought and felt, knew it couldn’t be that simple and that sometime the other shoe would drop. Except for the first time when he and Dean finally met back up with John at Jim Murphy’s place their father hadn’t mentioned anything that had happened at the barn or while he and Dean were on their own for a month and a half.

Sam hadn’t missed the looks John shot them or the way he glared at Dean but he also hadn’t missed the way his brother stuck close to him and refused to hunt with Caleb unless Sam came with him. The tension between Dean and John was so heavy at times that Sam had broken down one night and begged his brother to just pack up and leave. That they could hunt without their Dad all the time but Dean had merely smiled and, since they were solo that time, had kissed him.

“I promised to make it right for you and I will. Don’t worry about Dad, Sam.” he’d say and finally Sam just got used to whatever tension was there and concentrated on graduating High School.

John had been on a hunt so of course had missed him getting his diploma but Dean was there so that was all that mattered to Sam. That was all that still mattered to him. It also became plain when their Dad began tagging along with them more once Sam hit 18, that he had to get out or else any chance of peace within their family would be lost.

The acceptance letters had started coming in shortly after graduation but Sam had been stashing them in his duffel. He’d shown a few to Dean and had explained in detail his plan for them to leave together.

“You can hunt in California. Caleb’s basically there now so if I’m in class you could hunt with him and if you had to get a job there are plenty of mechanics jobs out there, or so it looked like when I checked.” Sam blushed a little as Dean gazed at him curiously at that. “Fine, I might’ve looked before I applied to the schools out there. I want us to be together, Dean. You stayed to hunt with him because I wasn’t legal and he’d never let you take me. Now I’m legal, now we can go and Dad can’t stop us.” he curled up in his brother’s arms that night to just hold and be held back after they’d made slow love. “Please, at least think about it.”

“I’ll do what I have to for you little brother.” Dean had said and then just stayed silent on the subject.

Now, Dean was coming in the door with dinner just as Sam was shoving his way out it. He shot a tear filled look at his brother before looking back at the glaring, pissed off father before squaring his shoulders.

“Don’t worry. I won’t.” he said and then headed down the road while trying not to look back or feel scared at what he’d just done or what that meant for…Sam glanced over at the familiar sound of the Impala. “I’m not going back Dean. He made his choice and I’ve made mine. I’m…sorry that I put you in the middle again or…”

“Get in Sam.” Dean had known this moment was coming but it still hurt him. He also knew the hardest part was still to come. “You can’t walk to California…but I can give you a ride to the bus station.”

Sam felt his heart get lodged in his throat. “You never planned to leave with me, did you?” he asked tightly after he finally got into the car. He looked across to see the tight way Dean’s jaw was set. “What the hell did you agree to do, Dean?”

“You get to go to California, you get to go use that big brain in some fancy school and become a doctor or a lawyer, you get to go find that little slice of normal and live it for both of us little brother.” Dean said with a forced smile that he hoped looked calm. Although his heart had been breaking even before he saw the tears on Sam’s face. “I did what I had to Sam. Even at 17, he’d never have let me take you. Dad would’ve hunted us like he hunts what we kill and you’d have never been able to graduate if we were living like that so…” he paused to take a breath while pulling up to the bus station. “I wanted you to out of this life. You wanted out so I made him a deal. Now you get to go be some college guy and I…I’ll keep my end.”

Sam felt like his chest would burst from not breathing as he took that in and realized just what that other shoe, the shoe that he’d waited to drop but never had, was and how it had just slammed down like a sledgehammer. “You sold your life to him?” he stared at Dean as if he must have heard that wrong. “As what? A son? Because he hasn’t treated either of us like that in years.”

“He wants soldiers, grunts in this war he thinks he’s fighting. He doesn’t need two of those, just one. I’ll give him that so long as he leaves you the hell alone.” Dean shrugged and then was quick to reach out to grab for Sam before his brother could move, pulling him across the seat to him. “Sammy! Listen to me! This was the only damn way to get you out, to get you away from hunting!”

“Come with me.” Sam was fighting not to be angry that Dean would do this and not talk to him. But he knew why his brother had done it, it just didn’t make it easier to accept. “He’ll get tired of looking. He can’t make you stay if you…damn it, Dean! He’s going to get you killed one of these days! If I’m gone, and Caleb’s not around who will watch your back?”

Dean slid his hands up to cradle his brother’s face between them to try to make Sam look at him while brushing at the tears with his thumbs. “I’ll be fine, Sammy. I’m going to keep my end of the deal but nowhere in that deal did I say that I wasn’t going to sneak out to California and bug my pain in the ass little brother.” he forced a smile while kissing Sam’s tears away. And heard the soft sob just before Sam buried his face against his neck. “Just if you meet a hot co-ed, give me a buzz so I don’t accidently drop in and spoil something.”

“I’m not going to meet any hot co-ed. I don’t want a co-ed. I want you.” Sam clung to his brother for a long moment until he felt Dean nudge him back. “Are you angry with me?”

“Sam, I knew you were going to college so no, I’m not angry with you.” Dean wasn’t. He might be angry with how their father handled it but he wasn’t angry with Sam for achieving what he’s always wanted. “I’m so damn proud of you. Now, go get your ticket. I’ll watch your stuff and hang around to see you off.”

Sam hesitated a moment before wiping his face with the sleeve of his jacket and going inside the buy a one way ticket to California.

Dean waited until Sam was out of sight to pull out his wallet to count what cash he had and quickly stuffed it as well as a card he’d had in the Impala’s glovebox into the duffel.

By the time Sam came back out, he’d managed to school his features into something that looked almost calm and waited with his brother until the bus was boarding.

“Remember what I taught you, remember that you can call me or Pastor Jim or even Bobby if you need anything.” Dean was saying as they waited for Sam’s turn to step onto the bus. “I won’t say to remember who you are since I know that’s who you’re trying to escape but…I hope you remember…well…some of your past.”

“I’ll never forget you Dean.” Sam said softly, trying not to cry again. He turned to look around them to see that no one was looking and met the kiss that was waiting when he reached for his brother one last time. “I love you.”

Dean nodded and held on for one more moment before stepping back to give Sam a gentle nudge to the bus. “Get going…bitch.”

“Jerk.” Sam got on the bus and took his seat. He looked out the window to see Dean stand there until the bus was out of sight. He glanced down at the black bracelet on his wrist and closed his eyes with the hope that it wasn’t that long until he saw his brother again. “Thank you.” he whispered as he knew just what his brother had done for him and hoped for a chance to repay that sacrifice.

Dean stood there for a long time once the bus was gone. He knew why he’d done what he had and he didn’t regret that. He regretted having to let Sam go but he knew they both couldn’t leave or else there’d never be peace for Sam and the life he wanted.

Dean considered going out and getting drunk but as he drove the Impala back towards the motel where his life had stopped making sense he knew booze wasn’t the answer for his pain.

He sat in the Impala to stare at the photo in his hand before slipping it into his wallet and stepping out of his car. Dean took in the whiskey bottle on the table near where his father sat to meet the dark gaze fully. “He’s out.” he said tightly, jaw clenching.

“That’s what you wanted, wasn’t it?” John asked while pouring another drink to watch his oldest son. “You made the deal Dean. I looked the other way on things that I should’ve killed you for considering doing with him. And once he got accepted to a school I let your brother go. I just added a little something to make sure he stayed gone.”

“You didn’t have to say that to him.” Dean knew why John had told Sam the most hurtful thing he could’ve. “He thinks you hate him for wanting a life but you and I both know why you said that to Sam, Dad. It wasn’t to hurt him. You wanted to hurt me because I stood up for him to you and you think by forcing him out like you did that I’ll lose him.” he’d known the second he’d heard the fight on his way back in that night.

“You said if I let your brother go to this school that you’d stay, that you’d hunt in his place.” John shrugged and while he had other reasons for separating his sons, for letting Sam go to Stanford he’d never tell Dean those yet. “If you change your mind, I can always give that school a call and tell them a few interesting things about their newest wonder kid.” he took a sip of the shot while lifting his eyes. “Like how he’s fucking his brother…ugh!”

Dean swung even before he realized it and he took the return blow with a grunt but didn’t back down as his gut went to ice at that threat. “You son of a bitch! You’ve got your soldier Dad! I’m still here even though he begged me to go with him. I’m here to do your dirty work but by God if you screw this chance up for him, if you or any of your so-called buddies do anything to hurt my brother, it might cost me everything but I will end you!” he growled before shoving John away and storming into the bedroom that was now very empty.

Dean heard the sound of the truck roar off but didn’t fear that his father might be going to go do something to stop Sam. He knew he was just going to go get drunk at a bar or if he was lucky, he’d found a hunt and would be gone by the time Dean woke up that next day.

He slid down the door to stare at a book that had been left behind in Sam’s haste to pack. “Be safe, be happy, and above all else, please find that normal, apple pie life, Sammy.” he whispered and let his head drop to his knees. For the first time that Dean could remember, since their Mother had died, the 22 year old hunter, a man who refused to show any emotion, except to his big-eyed little brother let himself cry.

All Dean could hope was that what he and Sam had both sacrificed over the years wouldn’t be wasted and the life his brother had dreamed of was out in California waiting for him. Now all Dean had to do was keep the nightmare of his life away from Sam even if it did mean letting his brother go forever. “I’m sorry Sammy. I love you but what you need…isn’t this crap. Be happy baby boy.”

By the time Dean woke up the next morning from where he’d fallen to sleep sitting on the floor, he found a terse note telling him about a hunt three states away and orders to handle it.

He showered, shaved and ate a handful of Lucky Charms before settling behind the wheel of the Impala. Now it felt just as empty as Dean did. He stared at the seat next to him before slipping an old cassette in and heading off. He hoped that the next time he saw Sam it would be to watch him graduate with some fancy degree and not because their lives had come back to haunt them.

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know. This one did not have the usual happy, schmoopy ending that most of my stories have but we'll blame the muse being on the fringe of illness for the slightly sad ending. I might, down the road, do a Season 1 sequel. We'll see.


End file.
